Just Fat
by ZivaDavid-LesNinja-FemmeLove
Summary: As much as you want to put it behind you, your past comes back to haunt you. And Ziva David is no different. What happens when what happens in Somalia haunts Ziva for the rest of her life. Then people notice a change but is she just fat or something else?
1. The Man Named Khamud

**Just Fat**

**By: Sammy Jo**

_**Mogadishu, Somalia**_

_She was inevitably trapped within that camp. The confines of the camp were covered in the desert's dirt. Ziva David was curled into a ball in the farthest corner of the room. At first she prayed for someone to come in and rescue her but now all she prayed for was death. She wanted them to just be done with her and kill her. She couldn't stand living her life this way. She wanted to experience sweet, blissful death. Her head was hidden in her arms and she was starving. They had not fed her for two weeks. She felt sick to her stomach and every other minute she could hear her stomach grumble. She hoped that one of Saleem's men would bring her food. Her head suddenly shot up at the sound of the door to her cell creaking open. Her breath hitched in her throat and her body quaked with fear. She was somewhat relieved when it wasn't Saleem. It was Khamud. For a terrorist he was a kind man. He was the one who would sneak her food. He would apologize for not being able to come more often but Ziva understood that he couldn't always slip past the guards. Khamud saw that Ziva was crying and rushed to her. _

"_Hush child." The man soothed as he crouched down to her. "I have brought you food. It's okay."_

"_No." She said in a whimpering voice. "No, it's not. Why won't you kill me? Please."_

_He listened as her pleading voice held so much pain. He may have been a terrorist but he still had somewhat of a soul. He felt so bad for the young Israeli agent._

"_Hey, I am not going to do that, okay? Now, can you tell me your name?"_

"_Zi-Ziva."_

"_Ziva, hi. I brought you bread and some stew. I hope this helps."_

_She nodded weakly and grabbed the stew as she cried. She ate quickly. She knew she had to. She could not savor it for the man had to leave soon. She allowed the warmth to consume her as she ate. Then Khamud presented something she had craved for the entire time she was there. Water. She snatched the water from Khamud and consumed over half._

"_Slow down, Ziva. You can be slow. Saleem will not be back for another hour. You have time."_

_She nodded, understanding what he was saying. He handed her more of the food and watched her as she eat. Ziva felt some of her pain stop. Khamud looked into her eyes and took the empty food bowl and bottle from her._

"_How many times?" He asked._

_He had asked this every time. He was referring to how many times she had been raped. Ziva held up her index finger on one hand and the first two fingers on her other hand. She had been raped twelve times in the last two weeks. Khamud closed his eyes and shook his head._

"_I'm so sorry. If I could get you out of this place, I would."_

_Ziva felt as though she were going insane. Terrorists are never like this but why was Khamud like this. _

"_Why?"_

"_Why what?"_

"_Why are you being so nice to me?"_

"_I am a nice guy." He lied._

"_Tell me the truth!" Ziva yelled, standing to her feet. _

"_Ziva, be quiet!" He hissed, trying to keep her from alerting the guards on the outside of the camp._

"_No!" She shouted. "Tell me!"_

_Just then Khamud lost it. He punched her in the face to keep her quiet. She staggered to the ground and Khamud ran out. After a while Ziva sat up, holding her hand to her face. She felt her face throb due to the punch. After about twenty minutes after, Saleem busted into the room, dragging Khamud's dead body behind him._

"_Are you happy now, you bitch? Your little supplier is dead. Now, you will pay."_

_Ziva closed her eyes tightly shut. She prayed for Saleem to pull out his gun or his knife and just end her suffering right there. But she knew that Saleem was much too smart for that. She knew that in order for her to suffer she had to stay alive. Saleem tossed Khamud's leg away and gripped Ziva by her blood-matted hair. He dragged her towards the filthy table and pulled out the torch. The torch was something she never looked forward to but she had a feeling it was coming. Saleem shoved her to the ground and ripped off the olive green jacket she wore. It was the only thing that covered her torso. Ziva then tried to fight back, still containing the will to fight. She smacked Saleem but he was not at all intimidated. He only slapped her back, his hit much harder than hers. He then had her pinned, his knees pressing down her thighs. This forced her legs apart. He pressed the torch into her flesh, giving her mid-torso a second degree burn. But even the torch was more preferable than what he had done back before he had started raping her. He had actually used water boarding on her. She thought she might have just died right then. Ziva was snapped out of her flashback when she felt Saleem push into her. It was official. He was raping her yet again. She laid there as he continued raping her. He thrust into her harder, inflicting more pain yet she resisted the urge to scream out in sheer agony and anguish. What Ziva didn't know was that this rape would change the rest of her life. _


	2. Rescued By A Visitor

_She was breathing so heavily and she was crying. She was still tied to her chair and filled with inevitable fear. Just then Saleem busted through the door and rushed to her. Saleem covered her head in a black sack and unshackled her. _

"_You've got a visitor." He whispered to her._

_Ziva grew frantic, wondering who her visitor was. How could anyone know that she was there? She was then dragged out of the room and taken down a long corridor. A few months ago she would have tried her best to fight her way out of his grasp but now she was done fighting. She was done with everything, even living. He tossed her into the room, slamming the door behind him. He then picked her up and commenced carrying her towards the chair. She couldn't see a thing. She only heard the shuffling of Saleem's feet and his words._

"_One of you will tell me everything you know and the other will die."_

_These words confused her. He ripped the bag from her head and she saw him. She saw Tony. They didn't say anything to each other as they sat across him. Ziva shook her head, feeling crazy. She looked back up from her lap and saw those emerald green eyes again. She felt tears coming to her eyes. _

"_Oh, thank God you're alive." McGee said from behind her._

"_You thought I was dead?" Ziva asked._

"_Oh, yeah." Tony said._

"_Why are you here?" She asked._

"_McGee, McGee didn't think you were dead."_

"_Tony." She said, raising her voice slightly. "Why are you here?"_

"_I couldn't live without you, I guess." He told her, truth serum coursing through his veins._

That was then and this is now. When they had dragged her out of the prison camp she was nothing but skin and bones. She could barely walk and she was not well. They had gotten her to Bethesda the first thing when they finally got back to the States. Tony peered into the large window of her hospital room and stared as she cried while doctors examined her. They had figured out she was raped just by her reactions to people touching her. They then knew that despite the fact her rapists were dead to run a rape kit. It was procedure after all. Gibbs approached Tony and put a hand on the filthy agent's shoulder.

"DiNozzo."

"Yeah boss."

"Stay with her." He ordered.

"Okay."

Gibbs watched as Tony shook his head and wondered what was going through his mind.

"What is it, Tony?" He asked.

"Look at her, Gibbs. She's in so much pain. Why are they doing this? We already know who did it!" Tony yelled, drawing the attention of several passersby.

"Yes, DiNozzo, but it's protocol."

"Yeah, protocol. Nothing was protocol about this Gibbs." Tony said, turning back towards Ziva.

She was fighting the doctors off, hating it whenever they touched her. Tony had to do something. He stormed into the room and pulled the doctors away.

"Stop this!" He shouted. "Just stop!"

The doctors and nurses all stood away, absolutely stunned by his actions. They had never seen something like this. Tony looked over at Ziva and saw her trembling in the corner of the room, her IV lines tangled and a terrified look on her face. To say she was shaken up would be an understatement. Tony approached her slowly and crouched down to her level.

"Ziva. Ziva, are you okay?"

Who was he kidding? She was far from being okay. She needed some serious help. Tony took a hold of her thin hand and helped her over to the bed. Tony helped her untangle her lines and soon she settled down. Her heart race would occasionally go up as she slept but with some PTSD nightmares it was to be expected. The days turned into weeks and soon Ziva was healthy enough to go home. Tony was waiting for Ziva outside of the hospital room. As she walked out of it she realized she had nowhere else to go from here. She didn't have a home. She was alone and homeless. She didn't even have any money to her name. She walked up to Tony and put on a fake smile.

"Don't do that." Tony said.

"What? You don't want me to smile?" She asked, sounding defensive.

"I don't want you to put up a front." He clarified.

Just then Ziva's physician, Dr. Chamberlain came up to her. It had been seven weeks since she had returned and she had spent that entire time in the hospital. She didn't want to be here for another second.

"Ziva, may I have a word with you?" He asked.

"Yes, I suppose."

"Look, we need to know of a number we can call you at…in case we figure out anything or if you need anything and I'm not available."

"I do not have a phone."

"You can call my home phone number." Tony interjected, stepping towards the group rather quickly.

"Good, that was another issue we need to discuss. We need to know of who will be staying with you."

"I do not have anywhere to live." The Israeli admitted.

"She will be staying with me." Tony told him.

"Okay. Ziva, here's my card."

Ziva turned to tony once the doctor walked away and crossed her arms.

"What?" Tony asked.

"Why is it that you automatically assume that I am staying with you?" She asked.

"Because, I am willing to have you with me." He answered.

"Well, I will not be staying with you." She snapped. "I will be staying at the Navy Lodge."

"But Ziva…" He started.

"But, nothing. I don't care if you do not like this but I am not going to let you treat me like a victim who cannot live by herself. I am fine!" She said, storming off towards Dr. Chamberlain.

"Doctor!" Ziva called out.

"Yes, Ziva?"

"I will be staying at the Navy Lodge. I will give you a call and leave you the number, alright?"

"Okay, but, Ziva I don't think you should be alone right now."

"I will be alright on my own." Ziva assured him before turning around.

She then walked away, completely ignoring Tony as she passed. She left the hospital, not daring to look back.


	3. PTSD & Something Shocking

She sat alone in the room she had at the Navy Lodge the next day. She was on her unkempt bed, her knees pulled to her chest and her chin resting atop them. She stared blankly at the wall in front of her as she listened to ZNN news playing in the background. She let a tear fall when she heard the news reporter. _This just in. A man on a mission or should I say team? A team of NCIS agents risked their lives to rescue one of their own from a terrorist camp said to be run by Al-Qaida in Somalia. _Ziva looked to see the African American female reporter on the TV and instantly grew furious. She growled at the TV as she threw the remote at it. She hit it, causing the screen to break. The man running the Lodge ran in at the sound of the noise and when he saw the TV he went off.

"You are going to pay for this! This is destruction of government property!" he yelled.

He turned to where Ziva sat and instantly grew shocked. She was sobbing, her whole frame shaking. She kept repeating the same thing over and over again.

"Why won't they just stop talking about it?" She yelled before breaking down into a complete fit of tears.

The man's heart shattered as he heard this. He was only somewhat aware of the situation but since he knew what the news had been saying he put two and two together. He then realized she was the agent that had been rescued from Somalia.

"Miss?" He called out to her, approaching her slowly.

She continued to cry, not caring who saw her. When the man tried touching her she flinched, moving away instantly.

"Stop touching me, Saleem!" Ziva yelled.

He grew confused. It wasn't his name. She was well aware of the fact that his name was Harold Marlow not Saleem. He then realized it. She was having a PTSD episode. He searched the room for a phone and found it. He then dialed 9-1-1. The Navy Lodge was right on the Navy Yard. Tony had been walking from the coffee stand to the main NCIS building when he saw and heard the ambulances. He grew concerned, wondering what was going on. He shrugged it off and walked back to work. Meanwhile Ziva was whisked off to Walter Reed hospital where she was immediately admitted. Dr. Chamberlain was instantly called in when they found that she had his card on her. When he got in he wasn't all too surprised to find out that his patient in distress was Ziva. Dr. Chamberlain met up with Dr. Estevez and greeted her.

"How is she?" He asked.

"She's not well." Te younger female doctor admitted. "She has high blood pressure, she just recently got over a panic attack and she is severely under weight."

"She's a torture victim, Sally." He regretfully informed.

"Oh my God! What happened?"

"She was held hostage in Somalia."

"She's the one they're talking about on the news?" She asked in disbelief.

"Yes, apparently so."

Sally Estevez just shook her head as she looked into the room at Ziva. She lay asleep in her bed, completely unaware of the news she was about to receive. Meanwhile, Tony was sitting at his desk at work, his feet propped up on the corner and his hands intertwined behind his head. He was very relaxed until his phone rang. Tony picked it up and answered it.

"Hello…yeah…oh God!" Tony said, hanging up before rung out of the squad room.

He didn't even bother to answer McGee when he asked what was wrong. He just continued running until he got to his car. It had been Ziva in that ambulance. He began kicking himself for not making Ziva stay with him. Now she most likely had tried killing herself and if she had succeeded then it was all for nothing. He drove like a maniac until he got to Walter Reed. He parked his car and ran inside the hospital, not stopping until he arrived at the Nurse's station. He felt winded and out of breath.

"Where's…"

"Agent DiNozzo?" Dr. Chamberlain asked.

"Yes."

"Hey, look, she's in room 112. She has PTSD."

"Oh my God! Please, tell me she didn't try to…kill herself." He pleaded in a small voice.

"She didn't but the super of where she was staying found her after she threw a remote at the TV. She has seen the news reports."

"Oh God!" He exclaimed.

"Look, DiNozzo, that's not all. I'm going to discuss this with her. I cannot tell you but if she wants you to know then she can tell you."

"Okay."

He understood that it could be something he wouldn't even want to know. The doctor walked into Ziva's room, trying to be as quite as possible. The sliding door closing had woke her up. When she shot up she saw Dr. Chamberlain standing beside her bed. She sat up and pulled her knees to her chest.

"Hello Ziva."

"Why am I here?"

"Your super called 9-1-1. He is quite worried about you and for a good reason."

"I have it, don't I?" She asked, fearfulness in her eyes.

"What is it you think you have?" He asked.

"PTSD."

"Yes." He told her, confirming her suspicions.

Ziva remained silent, covering her face in shame.

"Ziva, there is something else." He said.

She sniffed back the tears and tried to remain strong. Soon she would find this to be impossible for she was about to get news that would shatter her entire world, what little had been left, that is. The doctor took a deep breath and looked at Ziva.

"Ziva, we did some tests. Some routine tests on your blood. And I am sorry."

"What's wrong with me?" She asked, tears forming in her eyes.

"Ziva, you're pregnant."


	4. What's Best For You

"What?" She asked, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry."

He knew that based on her reaction the baby was a product of rape. The doctor exited the room and went down to Radiology to find an ultrasound technician. Tony stood outside of the room and Ziva looked at him, shame in her eyes. Tony saw the shame and wondered what was wrong. He turned to where he saw Dr. Chamberlain and Dr. Marsden walking towards him. He stopped Dr. Chamberlain and looked into her eyes.

"What's going on?"

"I-I can't."

Tony let the doctor go into the room and stared at Ziva as she laid back. The radiologist lifted up Ziva's gown just as Chamberlain closed the blinds. Tony grew worried and thought the worst. He wondered if she had gotten sick from having Saleem and his men rape her. Meanwhile, on the other side of the blinds Ziva stared at the monitor as Dr. Marsden rotated the ultrasound wand around on her lower abdomen. Tears fell from her eyes and dripped across the bridge of her nose. Dr. Marsden had no idea of the rape but when she saw the look on her face she knew right away. She allowed an image to come up onto the screen and Ziva grew scared. She was no expert by any means but she knew what she saw. She now had a permanent reminder of what had happened to her. The doctors had left after wrapping up the procedure and Tony was able to see Ziva again. He watched as she curled up into a ball in the bed and he could hear her sobbing through the glass. Tony went to the door and dashed inside, unable to control himself.

"Ziva, what's wrong? What happened?" He asked, squatting down to her level.

"Leave me alone!" She exclaimed, startling Tony.

"Ziva, please, just talk to me. What happened?"

"Stop!" She pleaded when Tony touched her arm. "Please tony, just leave."

Tony gave up and heaved a sigh before he left the room. He looked back at Ziva and shook his head. He couldn't help her, not now. He prayed that somehow he could but it was too late. He then left the hospital, leaving her alone. Ziva turned over onto her back and mustered up the strength to sit up. She felt so light headed and she was terribly thin. She wondered how she was going to be able to support a pregnancy since she was so unhealthy. She looked down in utter shame and ran a hand through her straggly hair. She then watched as the super approached the window. He waved to Ziva and Ziva waved back before gesturing for him to come inside. He came in and remained a few feet away.

"So, what's the diagnosis?" He asked, sounding nervous.

"Well, I have PTSD." She informed him with a shrug.

"And?" He asked, sensing she was holding something back.

"And?"

"Anything else?" He asked, hoping she would tell him.

"I'm pregnant…by a terrorist who is also my rapist." She admitted.

She shook her head as she played those words back in her head. Even speaking of it was terrible. Harold stepped towards her.

"Harold, I don't know what I'm going to do." She said, looking up at him with tears in her eyes.

"You aren't going to keep…the baby; are you?" He asked, fearing that this would scar her for the rest of her life.

"I do not know." She replied honestly as tears came to her eyes.

Harold Marlow was a man that hated to see a woman cry. He sat down on the bed and reached out for her hand. She allowed him to take it and he tried his best to sooth her as she cried. He studied her and when she stopped crying she looked to him with saddened eyes.

"What should I do?" She asked.

"I think you should do what's best for you and the child." He told her honestly.

She looked behind her to the bedside table where the sonogram picture lay. She reached for it and picked it up. She studied it closely and saw those two little circular blobs on the image. She knew what they were. They were a constant reminder of what happened to her. She handed the picture to him and he looked at it. He saw the blobs and looked at it closer to see one blob had an A by it and the other had a B. His eyes went wide when he realized it. He looked up to Ziva and she nodded.

"Oh God, Ziva. I'm so sorry."

Her bottom lip quivered and she nodded. She put the picture back in its place on the table and laid back on the bed.

"I'll let you get some rest." He said before leaving.

She watched him leave and yet again she was alone. She would always be alone. No matter how hard she tried she would always be alone and now she was alone, making the hardest decision of her entire life. She then realized something. She didn't have to be alone. She could bring life to this world and she would never be alone again. She then wondered if it was worth it. She didn't know if she could do this. She knew Saleem had to have been the father. Could she really have Saleem's children? It wasn't as if the fetuses had any control over who fathered them. She couldn't be so selfish as to deprive two babies of the chance at life. She then made the decision to keep the babies. She just wondered where this would leave her.


	5. You've Got The Job

She knew she had to find a job. She hadn't heard back from Vance yet about getting her job back so she wanted to find something temporary while she waited. She felt so thin underneath her baggy t-shirt and size six jeans. She continued walking, mid-day sun beating down on her, warming every inch of her. She felt queasy but she knew it was just morning sickness. She hadn't eaten all morning and now her body was telling her that that had been a mistake. Ziva stopped at a small office which had a sign saying "Translator Wanted". She had never really contemplated being a translator but with her language skills she figured that it could be of use to her. She took a deep breath and steadied her hand before entering. A middle age woman was sitting at the desk. She looked up and smiled to the skeletal Israeli. Her smile soon turned into a look of worry when she saw her. She stood up and went over to her.

"May I help you, miss?" She asked in a melodious tone.

"Yes, I was wondering if I could apply for the translator's job." Ziva answered in an exhausted voice.

She slept but she still felt tired. The woman had noticed how thin and emaciated she looked. She knew something wasn't right.

"Of course you can. May I ask if you are alright?"

"Yes and no."

"Oh? Well, what's the matter?" She asked as they sat down beside each other on the couch on the other side of the room.

"Well…I have been through a lot in the last few months and I am not entirely well." She said, trying to be honest with her potential employer.

"What happened?"

"Have you heard about that rescue mission on the news?"

"Yeah, actually. That was quite brave of those agents. Why?" She asked, her light blue eyes meeting Ziva's.

"I was the woman they rescued." She informed.

Her eyes went wide in complete astonishment and tears came to them. She had heard about just some of the things that had happened to her.

"Oh, my God!" She finally exclaimed. "You were tortured?"

"Yes, I was. But, please, do not think that will make me any less capable. I need this job." She told her.

"I thought you worked for NCIS?"

"I did but I still don't have my job back. I have so many tests to take that I don't know if it's worth it."

"Tests?"

"Psych evals." She clarified.

"Oh."

The woman stood up and looked down at Ziva. She watched as she slowly stood from her seat and instantly felt sorrow pang in her chest.

"Can you tell me your name?" She asked.

"Ziva, my name is Ziva David." She told her.

"Hi, I'm Margery Dawson and here's a resume. You may fill it out and give it to me when you are done."

"Okay." She said before sitting down.

"Would you like something to eat? You look so starving."

"You mean starved?" She asked, somewhat snapping at her.

Margery's eyes went wide and she didn't know what to say.

"I was deprived of food but I am not hungry." She told her.

"Coffee?"

"I can't." She said, painfully aware that coffee during pregnancy was a bad idea.

"Oh." She said, sitting down at her desk.

Ziva looked down at the resume. She filled out her name and date of birth. She kept going until she got to the languages.

"Ms. Dawson?"

"Yes?"

"Do I need to put every language I know?" She asked, feeling as though that was a stupid question.

"Of course." She said with a smile.

She wrote Hebrew, English, Arabic, Spanish, French, Italian, Russian, German, Turkish, and Chinese on the line. She almost ran out of room. Soon, she finished filling out the resume and handed it to Margery. When she saw the list of languages she was more than impressed.

"Do you really speak all of these languages?" She asked.

Ziva nodded, crossing her arms beneath her breasts. She then watched as she kept reading. She had been completely honest, even on the health questions. Under any health concerns Margery saw that Ziva had wrote in small letters "I'm pregnant by my rapist and captor". She nearly dropped the paper when she read this. Ziva watched as Margery's hands shook. She set the paper down and with teary eyes she stood up and went over to Ziva. She wrapped her arms around her and held her there.

"You've got the job." She said as she hugged her.


	6. Lost Cause

Ziva sat at her new desk that afternoon. She was on the phone speaking fluent French to a business man overseas. Margery couldn't help but listen in. She couldn't understand a word but she was impressed nonetheless.

"Au revoir." She said before hanging up the phone.

Margery came over to her desk and smiled down to Ziva. She looked up at her and furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"Can I help you?" She asked in a confused tone.

"Do you have a place to stay, Ziva?" She asked.

"Well, I have a place at the Navy Lodge." She told her.

"You shouldn't be staying at a lodge." She said, sounding absolutely repulsed.

"It is not that bad. It has a bed, four walls, and a place to keep food. It was much more than I had in Somalia." She said.

"Ziva, I want you to be comfortable." Margery said.

She was such the nurturing type. Whenever she saw a stray cat or dog she'd take it in but Ziva was no stray. In fact she was more of a lost cause these days.

"I do not deserve to be comfortable but, uh, thank you for caring." Ziva said, standing from her desk.

"Look, I have plenty of space at my place. Come on." She begged.

"No! I am NOT your charity case!" She snapped. "And I do not appreciate being treated like one."

Ziva walked out of the office, her bag slung over her shoulder. Margery just stood there, absolutely shocked. Afternoon quickly turned into evening and a pinkish orange glow came to the sky as sunset resonated onto the Earth. Ziva was still walking, not sure of where to go. She had no one who cared, she had nowhere to go. In fact she had left the Navy Lodge, fearing she was too close to Tony. She couldn't stand the fact that he had just barged into her hospital room like that. She shook her head as if to shake away the thoughts of him. Just then Margery's car pulled up beside her.

"Four walls and a bed, huh?" She asked.

"What?"

"I checked with the Lodge, to make sure that you got there okay. You haven't been there in two days. What happened?"

"I left now so should you." She told her as she kept walking.

"No, Ziva. You have nowhere to go, nowhere to sleep. Where did you sleep last night?" She asked.

"I rented a motel room." She lied.

"With what money?" Margery asked.

Ziva stopped in her tracks and dropped her things. As they hit the ground she started sobbing. Margery parked the car and got out. She went up to Ziva and saw the pain and hurt in her eyes. The sobs were relentless and she was so said. In actuality Ziva hadn't slept in a motel. She slept in an abandoned car. She felt so filthy and disgusting. She felt like some hobo on the streets. She felt so stupid. Margery took Ziva into her arms and held her as she cried.

"Hush child, it's okay. You can stay with me, alright?"

Ziva couldn't help but nodding, at the moment she didn't care about it anymore. She didn't care about what people thought of her. Hell, her boss was holding her as she cried. She was a mess.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Ziva said repeatedly.

Margery shook her head and kept her arms around her.

"You are alright. Let me take you home." She said, picking up her bag from the ground.

Home? What home? She had nowhere to call home. Margery held the passenger's side door open for her and Ziva got in. They began driving to an old cottage on the west side of Georgetown. It was a nice little place and Ziva was glad to be able to stay there. She didn't say it to Margery but somehow she must have known. When they went inside Ziva instantly felt cozy. It was a feeling she hadn't had in almost half a year.

"How far along are you?" Margery asked.

"Almost two months." Ziva answered as she looked around the house.

Just then a large German Shepard Husky mix came up to Ziva. He barked and allowed Ziva to pet him. He was almost all black with patches of grey and brown.

"That's Sampson." Margery said.

"I see."

"Come on, child. Let me show you to your room."

She didn't know why Margery kept calling her child but Ziva figured it was just what she did. They went down the hall and to a large bedroom. It was larger than she had expected it to be. There was a bathroom attached as well. She was feeling more and more grateful as time went on.

"Here's your room." She said.

"Thank you." She said with a smile. "How much?"

"What are you talking about?"

"How much do I owe you?"

"For what?"

"Rent, of course." Ziva said, setting down her bag on the bed.

Margery couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh, Ziva, I am not making you pay rent. Why would I do that?"

"Well, it only seems fair." She argued, putting her hands on her narrow hips.

"No, it doesn't. You have a baby inside of you and you need somewhere to call home. Do you really think I would make you pay rent?"

Ziva shrugged. She didn't know.

"I wouldn't."

"Why are doing this. I am…I am a lost cause. I am not worth all of the trouble." Ziva said sorrowfully as she approached her.

Margery's heart sank. To hear her say made her absolutely sad.

"Ziva, that's not true. That's not true at all." She said, pulling her into her arms.

Ziva hugged her back and whispered thank you into her ear. They separated and Ziva went into her room. There was a bed, four walls, a TV, a dresser, and even a closet. She had a bathroom too. She didn't deserve this, at least that's how she felt. She sat down on the bed and just looked at Margery.

"Ms. Dawson?"

"Yes?"

"Do you have any…food?" she asked, feeling hungry.

She hadn't eaten all day and Margery could attest to this. She nodded and went to the kitchen, in search of something healthy for her to eat. Margery knew that nursing Ziva back to health would be difficult and unlike any other thing she had nursed back to heath. This would take time and patience. It was take love.


	7. Can I See You?

Ziva was in the shower that night, glad she had gotten to eat something. She allowed the warm water to engulf her entire body and she felt at peace. She quickly finished up the shower and got out of the bathroom. She dried off and folded her towel before dressing in a pair of pajama bottoms which had vertical red and blue stripes and a black tank top. She looked at her sunken in stomach in the mirror and wondered how to tiny babies could be in there. Then again she was only seven weeks along. She pulled down her shirt and walked into her bedroom. She found Sampson sitting beside the bed, almost as if he were waiting for her.

"Hey boy." She swooned as she pet him.

His tail wagged and his tongue attempted to lick her hand.

"Good boy." She said before leaving the room.

He unwaveringly followed her and Ziva saw Margery sitting on the couch. She was reading a book. Margery looked up and smiled when she saw Ziva.

"Hi." She greeted as she closed her book.

"Hey."

"Are you hungry again?" She asked.

"No, actually, I am not. I am just coming out here to say thank you, again. I really appreciate it." She said, clasping her hands together.

"Ziva, come here. Sit."

"Okay?" She said, sounding confused.

"I received a phone call from a man while you were in the shower. He said his name was Tony. He says he's been looking for you and that he's really worried about you."

"How? How did he get your number?"

"He never said but he said that he wants you to call him."

"I can't." She said in a saddened tone as Margery caressed Ziva's hair.

"Why not, honey? He says he misses you, a lot. He wants to talk to you, offer you a place to live. He obviously cares deeply for you."

"I can't!" She exclaimed.

"Why?"

"He will never look at me the same…not after what happened!" She said, raising her voice with emotion.

"I don't think that's true." She said, reaching for the house phone. "Call him."

She shook her head, tears streaming down her face.

"Ziva, do it."

She cringed against her words, biting onto her bottom lip as she reached for the phone. She knew his number by heart. She dialed it and put the phone to her ear. She cried as she listened to the dial tone. When she heard his voice answer it was too much. She could only cry.

"Hello? Who is this?" Tony asked, only hearing crying over the line.

Ziva pulled back her tears as best as she could and answered.

"It's me, Tony." She said in a small and weak voice.

"Ziva?" Tony asked, shooting out of his seat.

"Yes."

"Oh, thank God! Ziva, where are you?" He asked, worry tingeing his voice.

"I am staying with my boss, Tony." She said in a shaky voice.

"Can I come see you, please?" He begged.

"I do not know." She said, fearing that if he were to see her he would no longer see her as the Ziva he had met six years ago.

"Please." He begged yet again.

Ziva could only hang up the phone and let out a loud and painful sob. She hadn't cried this much in her entire life. She hated that she had been this broken. Meanwhile Tony just stared at the phone, absolutely confused as to why Ziva had hung up. He sat down, giving up on trying to see her. She obviously didn't want him seeing her so he didn't see any point in fighting her on this. He put down his phone and sat back down. Ziva was able to stop the crying after a while with a little help from Margery and stood from the couch.

"I am going to bed. I am tired." She told her.

"Okay. I will see you in the morning."

"Alright."

Ziva waved and went to the bedroom. She didn't realize that Sampson had followed her. She climbed beneath the covers and couldn't help but laugh when he jumped in the bed with her.

"Sampson! You're a silly dog!" She said, watching as he crawled towards her before finding a spot the lay down beside her.

They went to sleep relatively quickly and at three o'clock in the morning was when it happened.


	8. Things She Can't Do

It was three a.m. and she was awake. But, she was not awake on her own free will. She awoke because she heard a noise coming from down the hall. She wondered if Ziva was okay. She got out of bed and walked tiredly down the hall. She saw that Ziva wasn't lying in bed and Sampson was clawing at the bathroom door.

"Sampson, come on." She said, grabbing his collar.

She led the dog away and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Ziva, are you in there?" She asked.

"Yes." Ziva said in a hoarse voice.

"Can I come in? Do you need anything?" She asked.

"You can come in."

Her voice was still hoarse which worried Margery. She came in and found Ziva hunched over the toilet.

"Oh God!" She exclaimed.

This would not be the last time Ziva had to go through this. A few weeks had passed and Ziva came by NCIS to take her psych evaluation. She was now ten weeks pregnant and she was feeling like hell. She went to Vance's office after her psych evaluation and sat down in a chair in front of his desk.

"So, how did I do?" She asked nervously.

"You didn't fail I'll put it that way. Ziva, you may come back but things won't be the same."

"I understand that." She said, looking down at her lap.

Ziva had managed to put on some more weight with the pregnancy and she didn't look so sick. She was eating again, thanks to Margery. Ziva stood from the seat and was about to leave when Vance stopped her.

"I haven't dismissed you, yet." He said.

"Oh."

Ziva came back to his desk and stood there.

"I am well aware of your condition. Ziva, I know this is hard for you. It is that much harder considering who…"

"Yes, I know, but, please don't ever bring it up again." She said, tears coming to her eyes.

"Ziva."

"Please!" She shouted.

Ziva couldn't stay any longer without crying in front of him. She ran out of the Director's office and ran down the stairs. She passed the squad room when Tony saw her. He ran after her and stopped her.

"Ziva." He said, looking into her eyes.

"Just leave me alone, Tony." She pleaded, pulling her arm away.

"Are you coming back?" He asked, hoping she would say yes.

She wiped her eyes and stood back.

"Yes. I am."

"Good." He said with a smile. "I miss you."

"No, you do not." She said, unable to believe his words.

"Yes, I do. I miss you so much. Come on, Ziva. Talk to me."

"Why? Why should I talk to you?" She asked, sounding defensive.

"Are you serious?" He asked.

"No." She admitted truthfully. "I know we need to talk but I really don't want to."

A tear trickled down her cheek and Tony reached out to her. He wiped away the tear and she flinched at the touch of his hand.

"I can't do this." She said and she ran out.

He didn't know where she was working exactly; he only knew that she was a translator for some small office law firm. He hadn't liked it but he was glad she was doing something for herself. They hadn't let Ziva come back quite yet which made him upset. He wondered how she was coping with it. Meanwhile Ziva was sitting at her desk as she did every day when her desk phone rang.

"Hello, As-salaamu Alaykum! Keyf Al-haal? Na'am. Shukran."

Margery shook her head as she listened to her speak perfect Arabic. She wondered how she picked up that many languages. It was quite impressive. When Ziva hung up she smiled. It was the first time Margery had seen Ziva smile every since she met her. It made her wonder why she was happy.

"What's got you all cheery?" She asked, resting her chin in her hand.

"I am in a good mood today. I am actually enjoying myself, working here. It's not like working for NCIS but it's still fun." She said.

"Good." She said with a smile.

Just then Ziva's smile faded and her face went pale. Margery watched as she lurched forward slightly before she stood and ran to the bathroom not too far away. Margery followed her, listening as she puked. When she got in there she crouched down behind her and held back her long brunette hair as she threw up. She rubbed soothing circles on her back and hoped that she would be okay.

"Hush Ziva. It'll be okay." She kept saying.

After several minutes Margery heard the door to the office open.

"Ziva, you stay here, okay? I have to see who's here." She told her before exiting.

She remained there and just started crying. _I hope you are suffering in Hell, Saleem! _She continued sobbing as she flushed the toilet. She pushed herself into the corner and wiped the side of her mouth as she listened to Margery.

"How may I help you?" She asked.

"Hey." A familiar voice rang out. "I am looking for a Ziva David. Does she work here?"

"Who's asking?" She asked.

_That's what I want to know. _When she heard the name her heart sank. She heard the name of the last man she wanted to see.

"My name is Tony. We spoke on the phone."

"Oh yes, now I remember. I will be right back."

Margery came back to find Ziva curled up in the corner of the bathroom.

"Ziva, it's Tony."

"I know." She said with a shaky nod. "I mean, I overheard you guys."

"Well, let's get you cleaned up." She said, holding out her hand.

"I can't."

"What?"

"I can't have him see me like this." She said after she stood, gesturing down her body.

A few weeks had passed since they had last seen each other and as the pregnancy continued so did her weight gain.

"Ziva, he looks upset and worried. He must miss you terribly."

She nodded and allowed Margery to help her clean up. When she walked out every step was shaky and unsure. She looked up from the carpeted floor to see Tony standing there. They remained ten feet apart from each other and they just stared at each other, not saying a word.


	9. What Else Is There To Talk About?

"Hey Ziva." He said in a soft tone.

"Hi." She replied, her voice hoarse.

"So, this is where you work, huh?" He asked, looking around the office.

"Yes." She answered, crossing her arms over her mid-section, trying her best to hide the bump that already started to form.

"How are you holding up?" He asked, stepping a couple feet closer to her.

She had this overwhelming urge to step farther away from him. She didn't want him getting too close, in fear that he might see it. She definitely didn't want him knowing about this. Tony noticed her hair was a mess and her eyes were filled with unshed tears. He saw how hard she had tried to hold them back and he wished he could just wrap his arms around her and hug her. He watched as her arms tried their best to keep something concealed. When she put her arms down he saw that she had put on some weight. He was glad. She looked a bit healthier now that she was back at home.

"I am fine, Tony." She lied.

She was far from fine and Margery wanted to intervene but all she could do was sit on the sidelines and watch as they lied to each other. At least while she lied to him. Tony walked up to her, unable to resist the urge to any longer. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and hugged her.

"I miss you." He whispered in her ear. "When you're ready to talk you know where to find me." He told her.

When Tony pulled away she nodded and wiped a tear away. She watched as Tony walked away and said nothing. Margery came up to Ziva and looked at her as if she were crazy.

"Are you insane?" She asked.

"What are you talking about?" She asked, wiping away another tear away.

"He was right there, willing to listen to you, and you didn't tell him!"

"He has NOTHING to do with this!" She said, raising her voice.

"But he wants to." She argued.

"Why? Why would he want anything to do with me? He is not the father!"

"No. Your rapist is, Ziva. You're letting him win again by pushing away the ones that love you most. How is blocking Tony out going to help you?" She asked, waiting for her answer.

"I do not know." She said; a saddened look on her face.

"Exactly. You need as much support as you can get and let's just say I do not quite fit that bill."

"You mean, you think he should father these children as if they were his?" She asked in disbelief.

"He may be willing to help." She offered.

"Not when he finds out who did this!" Ziva refuted. "He will never be able to love me. NO ONE will be able to love me after what happened."

Margery was stunned silent and she couldn't speak. She had nothing to say. Both women went back to their desks when Ziva's phone rang. It was Director Vance.

"Director?" Ziva asked, obviously stunned.

"Yes, David. Now, I am aware that you have another job."

"That is correct."

"Well, Ziva, if you want to come back here that would be up to you but I will not force you to choose. But, if you do come back we need to talk about…it."

She knew what he meant by it. She didn't want to talk about the pregnancy. She was still ashamed of it.

"Okay." She said in a shaky voice.

"Ziva, you can come in now. Look, you aren't in any trouble, Ziva. We just need to talk about it and assess the situation. Is that okay?"

"Yes." She said, sounding as though she might cry.

She couldn't help it. Vance listened over the phone as Ziva cried.

"Ziva, shhh. Hey, where are you?"

"I am at Dawson law firm in Georgetown. Why?"

"I will be right there to come and get you. Hell, I'll invite you to dinner. Jackie and I could both talk to you."

She only cried harder, indicating to Vance that she didn't want this.

"Ziva, come on. Let us help you. Look, you need to talk to someone about this and Jackie and I are willing to listen."

Later that evening Jackie, Leon, and Ziva were sitting at the dinner table but Ziva was not eating. Jackie grew concerned.

"Ziva, eat. Do you not like it?"

"I am not all that hungry, is all." She said.

Her voice made her sound as though she might start to cry and this worried Jackie. Jackie reached towards Ziva's hand but Ziva cowered away from her and curled up into a ball on the chair. She had brought up on leg as best as she could and just stared at the food in front of her. Jackie grew concerned and pulled Vance aside.

"Leon, what's wrong with her?"

"She has PTSD and she's…"

He paused and took a deep breath.

"She's pregnant by a terrorist who had raped her several times while she was held hostage." He informed her.

She cupped a hand over her mouth and looked over at Ziva. She watched as her shoulders shuttered. She was crying. Jackie shook her head and listened as her silent crying became audible. Ziva stood up and tried running to the front door but Jackie stopped her.

"Ziva, hey, hey, stop. Stop this." She said in a soothing voice. "Running from this isn't going to work, it won't help."

Ziva couldn't help but sob even more and Jackie hugged Ziva.

"Shhh." She hushed repeatedly as she somehow managed to get her to the couch.

She sat her down and held onto her as she cried. Her sobs were relentless and depressing too. Jackie grew scared for her.

"Ziva, please, stop crying." Jackie pleaded, lifting her up. "Talk to me."

She looked at Ziva, analyzing her entire frame. Her tank top looked almost too small for her. It was sad the situation she was forced into.

"I am pregnant by a terrorist. What else is there to talk about?" She asked.

Jackie could only let out a sigh. She didn't know what to say. Little did the rest of the team know was that they were in for a big surprise the next day.


	10. Now Or Never

Stepping off of the elevator seemed surreal. Her hands shook and when she moved she felt she might fall over. She was so used to being strong and having a handle on her emotions but now she could even control her movements let alone her feelings. She stepped a bit closer and stopped at the entrance of the bull pen. McGee, Gibbs, Vance, Abby, Ducky, Palmer, and Tony were there. They all stared at her and she stared right back. They didn't say a word. No one said a word. They watched as Ziva's breathing turned heavy and her jaw clinched tight. She turned away from their eyes and sat down in her desk. Later that afternoon Ziva walked into Abby's lab and she felt absolutely nervous. Abby turned around and saw Ziva. She turned off her music and the completely silence swallowed them. They just looked at each other and didn't say a word. Neither of the women knew what to say. They could only stand there and wait for the other to speak. As time passed it seemed more awkward.

"Ziva." Abby finally said, breaking the silence.

"Abby." She replied.

"How are you?"

"I am good but I doubt that's what you care about." She observed, crossing her arms.

"Why did it take you so long to come back?" She asked, stepping towards her.

"I have been through…a lot, Abby." She replied honestly.

"You didn't even call."

Ziva could only shrug.

"I did not want to talk." She told her.

"Why?"

"I knew what you guys would want to talk about. I can't do this anymore." She said, tears in her eyes.

"Do what?" Abby asked, confused as to what Ziva was going on about.

"Pretend that everything is okay. I cannot keep doing that. I am not okay." She said as tears came from her eyes and she sniffed after she spoke.

"What's the matter?" Abby asked.

"I am plagued with something that makes it utterly impossible for me to put what happened behind me, Abby."

Abby grew confused by her words. She wondered what Ziva was going on about. She was worried for the newly reinstated agent. After she talked with Abby she couldn't stay. She couldn't have people seeing her like this. She decided to work at her other job. She went to Dawson Law Firm and walked into the door. Margery was sitting at her desk and she looked up to see Ziva.

"Ziva, what are you doing here?"

"I could not do it. I could not stay."

"Oh, Ziva. Why?"

She led her to the couch and they sat down.

"Pe-people we-were asking me if I was okay and then people started talking about how I'm…fat. I could not bear all of the questions. I do not think I could work there anymore. It is just not the same."

"Ziva."

"Don't." She said, putting up her hand. "Don't try convincing me to go back there."

"I won't."

"Thank you." She said.

Margery caressed her cheek and pulled Ziva into her arms, giving her a firm and motherly hug.

Suddenly, out of the blue, Tony came in and he was out of breath. Ziva hadn't realized it but Tony had chased after her all the way from the Navy Yard to the Law Firm. Ziva stood up and so did Margery. Tony went up to her and hugged her. Ziva just stood there and didn't move.

"Oh thank God, Ziva. I am so glad I found you." Tony said, pulling away and sounding quite out of breath.

"Why?"

"Please, stay at NCIS. I miss you." He told her, taking her hands in his.

"I cannot."

"Why? Because of the rumors?"

"What rumors?" She asked, not yet knowing about the fact that word had spread about her.

"It's not true is it?" Tony asked.

"Tell him, Ziva." Margery interjected, taking a step towards them.

"I can't!" She hissed.

"Tell me what?" Tony asked looking upset.

"Ziva you have got to tell him."

"Oh God, it is true, isn't it?" Tony asked hoping it wasn't true.

"No!" Ziva exclaimed, tears coming to her eyes.

"What aren't you telling me?" Tony asked, taking her by her shoulders.

"I am not, not telling you anything." Ziva lied.

"Tell me the truth!" He said, looking right into her eyes.

"I am!" She lied through gritted teeth.

"No you're not!" Margery refuted.

"What's she not telling me?"

"Alright!" Ziva yelled, backing away from them.

She was breathing heavily and she fell to the floor. She was a sobbing mess and Tony squatted down to her.

"Ziva, look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He said in a soft voice.

He looked into her eyes and she looked into his. She knew she had to tell him. It was now or never.

"I'm pregnant!" She exclaimed.


	11. A Letter To Margery

They were sitting on the couch in his apartment. He held her. That was all he could do. He didn't know what to say and he didn't really know what to do. Ziva had her head rested on Tony's shoulder and they both stared blankly at the news playing on the television. Tony listened as Ziva sniffed every now and then. She was still crying and Tony knew this to be true. Just then Ziva stood up and walked towards the window. She watched as rain pelted the window and thunder rumbled.

"Ziva, are you going to talk to me?" Tony asked.

Ziva turned around and looked at Tony for only a second before she turned away.

"Do you know who?"

"Saleem." She answered, not needing to know the rest.

Tony was stunned silent. Just then she turned around and she went off.

"Are you happy now? Now you know! Saleem raped me…countless times. Now I am forced to carry his offspring and I am alone! Do you want to know why I didn't tell you? I didn't tell you because I wanted nothing to do with you anymore! I am ashamed. I am angry. I am tired. I am filled with so much hate and now I am forever burdened by this."

"Ziva, please calm down." Tony pleaded.

"No!" She yelled.

"Ziva, would you listen to me?" He asked raising his voice slightly.

"What is it you expect from me?" She yelled back.

Anger flew across her face and she flashed back to that conversation she had with her father many months ago. Tony stood up from the couch and looked into her saddened chocolate brown eyes.

"Nothing. I do not expect a thing from you, Ziva. I just want you to be able to trust me again. Also, Ziva, you are never alone. No matter how much you hate me I will always be there for you because I care about you in ways I care about no one else." He said as honestly as he could.

"What does that mean?"

"It means Ziva there will always be a place for you here in my apartment and…" He paused, taking a hold of her hand before placing it against her heart. "…in my heart."

Her eyes filled with tears and Tony pulled her into him as she cried. Ziva couldn't help but feel genuinely cared about at that moment. They separated and attempted to pull themselves together. Tony looked down at Ziva and smiled.

"Are you hungry?" He asked.

"Yes, but, Tony I must be going. Margery is probably waiting for me." She said, pointing her thumb behind her at the door.

"Oh, okay. Do you need a ride?" He asked.

"No, I can walk." She informed nonchalantly.

"Ziva, it is raining. You are not walking in the rain. I'm giving you a ride." He told her, taking her shoulder bag from her.

"Tony, you do not have to."

"Stop!"

This startled Ziva.

"Stop what?" She asked.

"Stop trying to make people think that you're so invincible. You are not! You are pregnant and I want to help you! Let me help you."

Ziva couldn't speak. She only nodded and allowed Tony to drive her to Margery's house. Ziva stopped at the steps and turned around to watch Tony drive away. She let a tear fall down her cheek and she opened the door. She walked inside and the chill of a rainy day was soon replaced with the warmth of a house that was not hers. She then had that feeling in the pit of her stomach that she would never be able to call any place her own. She felt as though she was mooching off those who care about her most. She wasn't going to be a burden any longer. She wouldn't allow it. She gathered all of the money she had made and started counting it. It was not enough but she would make do. She wouldn't be a bother any more. She took four hundred of the seven hundred she had made within that month and set it on the kitchen counter along with a note. She packed her things into her shoulder bag and quickly snuck out. What she didn't realize was that Sampson had kept a wary eye on her and started scratching at Margery's bedroom door. Margery awoke to the sound of claws scratching her door. She wondered what was going on. Usually when Sampson had to go out he would bother Ziva but now he bothered her. She stood from the bed and opened the door.

"Hey Sampson. What is it boy?" She asked.

He then grabbed onto her pant leg with his teeth and pulled on it.

"Okay Sampson. What's wrong?"

He led her towards the kitchen and it was then when Margery saw it. She saw the wad of cash and the note. She picked it up and read it.

_Margery,_

_ I am sorry but I am aware of the fact that I am a burden. But, I can assure you that will not be an issue any longer. Here is $400. I hope this covers rent. I am alone and I have always been alone and to burden you with all that's wrong with me would just be wrong. I am done with life as I knew it. Most like this pregnancy will kill me considering I do not eat as I should and I am allowing these parasites to take everything of me. But I do not care. I was ready to die back in Somalia and I am just as ready now._

_Signed,_

_Ziva_

"Oh, my God!" She exclaimed.

She ran to the phone and dialed Tony's number. Meanwhile in Tony's apartment he was lying awake in bed when he heard the phone ring. He picked it p and sat up before answering.

"Yes?"

"Tony! Thank God!" Margery exclaimed.

"Margery?"

"I think Ziva's going to kill herself."


	12. Fix What's Broken

Ziva was walking down a Georgetown street and she really didn't know where she was, nor did she care. She saw an old doughnut shop and stopped at the window. Her stomach grumbled but she only had three hundred dollars to her name. She knew she had to save that money for emergencies. She had been walking for what felt like two whole hours when she saw a familiar car come up to her. It then swerved onto the sidewalk and Tony emerged from it. He ran up to Ziva and grabbed her forearms.

"Ziva!" He exclaimed. "Are you insane?"

"Well, you are the one who just drove their car on the sidewalk."

"What the hell is this?" He asked, throwing the note at her. "Huh?"

His eyes were filled with hurt and anguish. She also saw anger.

"How the hell could you do this to yourself, Ziva? You are not a burden, not to me, not to Margery, not to anyone. Yes, yes, you were raped. I understand. But, you have people who love and care about you very much who don't want to see you like this. It makes me…it makes me sick to stomach just thinking about what happened to you but I am willing to help you through this. Why can't you just let me help you?"

"I do not deserve it Tony!" She exclaimed. "I do not deserve anything!"

"Yes, you do. You deserve the best things life can offer you but sadly, that cannot always happen. I understand that, Ziva. But, listen. You're pregnant! You can't just think about what you deserve and what you don't deserve. You have got to think about those babies."

He seemed out of breath but compassion rang through his words so eloquently that it pulled on Ziva's heartstrings.

"Have you even seen a doctor?"

Then shame engulfed her. She had not seen a doctor. She rarely ever mentioned it. When she did it was not for their benefit.

"I only saw a doctor that one time…when they told me." She regretfully informed.

"Ziva, you have got to let me take care of you. I don't care if you think it makes you seem weak because I know for a fact that it doesn't. It doesn't at all."

Ziva couldn't help but start to cry. Obviously their little scene had attracted an audience and people seemed to be anxiously awaiting her response.

"Why do you care about me so much?" Ziva asked, stepping towards him with her arms crossed.

"Ziva, are you listening to yourself right now?"

"Answer me!" She commanded.

"I love you." Tony shouted. "I care because I love you."

Ziva just stopped everything. She dropped her back and it landed on the wet cement. She stepped towards him and just did one thing. She cried. She cried and no one knew why, except for her. Tony pulled her into her arms and felt his warmth engulf her.

"I am so sorry, Tony."

She was surprised by his next words.

"Save it." He said, pulling her off of him.

He looked directly into her confused eyes.

"I don't want to hear it. I want to see it. I want you to do what's right for those babies. They aren't just Saleem's you know?" He said with a somewhat long pause. "They're yours' too."

His words hit her like a ton of bricks and she couldn't help but think that Tony was mad at her.

"Are you, are you mad at me?" She asked as she was about to cry.

The look on her face broke his heart. He pulled her into another hug and shook his head. How was he going to fix someone so broken?

"I'm not mad, Ziva. I'm not mad but I want you to take care of yourself. And you're not alone. I'll take care of you…if you'll let me, that is."

She nodded, understanding that he wanted to be there for her. He got in his car and pulled off of the wide sidewalk. He then pulled up to where the passenger's side door was right by Ziva. She grabbed her bag off of the sidewalk and got in the car. They drove off like nothing ever happened.

"I assume Margery got the letter a few hours early." Ziva said.

"Yeah. She was scared out of her mind."

"I can't even imagine how you must have felt." She said shamefully as she looked down at her lap.

Tony reached over and put a hand on her thigh. Ziva almost flinched at the contact but settled when she actually found it soothing. She looked up at Tony and let a tear trickled down her cheek. When they got to Tony's apartment Ziva had her head resting back and she appeared to be half asleep. Tony smiled at this and got out of the car before going to the other side and putting his hand on Ziva's shoulder. She awoke at the feel of Tony's hand. She shifted and sat up, soon realizing the car had finally reached a stop.

"Hey sleepy head. Come on, let's get you upstairs." He said, holding out his hands for her.

She got out of the car and carried her stuff as tony followed her closely. They were able to get into Tony's apartment and Tony laughed when she automatically went to the bedroom. She climbed in the bed and curled up beneath the covers. Tony walked to the bedroom and stood in the doorway, watching as she slept peacefully. He kept on thinking about how hard this was going to be. Not only did he have to take care of Ziva, he had to take care of a pregnant and broken Ziva. This was something he wasn't prepared for but he would do his best to try and fix what's broken.


	13. Sleepless In Paris

It was Paris, they had talked about it before but now it was different. It wouldn't be how they had imagined it. It was going to be much different. It wasn't going to be all romantic and it definitely wouldn't be a cliché. Ziva knew and even Tony knew that there would be no sex between them. Maybe back then before Somalia but not now, definitely not know. Ziva and Tony got off of the plane at Charles de Gaulle airport and looked around at their surroundings.

"Paris." Tony uttered, looking over at Ziva.

"Yeah." Ziva responded, not able to say much more than that.

She had gotten a little bit bigger since she had first told Tony but no one else seemed to notice. Tony stepped towards her and clasped her hand in his nonchalantly. Ziva looked down at their conjoined hands, up to him. She had a tear in her eye and turned away when Tony looked into her eyes with his emerald green. She just wished that she could act normal around him and not have to put up her walls. She wanted to be able to trust him now that he knew her deepest and darkest secret. Tony gripped onto her hand tighter as if to assure her. They began walking through the airport until they found their way outside. They were rather impressed by the city. It was beautiful and serene. Ziva missed feeling at peace which was how she felt right then.

"What do you say we get to our hotel room so you can take a nap?" Tony suggested, whispering into her ear.

She nodded, feeling quite tired after their long flight. They hailed a cab and went to their hotel. It was nice, Ziva had to admit but it didn't matter. She just wanted to sleep. Tony guided her to the bed and let go of her hand. Ziva stood aside and watched as Tony turned down the bed for her. He held the covers up and waited for her to climb in before he tucked her in. Ziva would never admit it aloud but Tony's actions had reminded her of when she was a child and her mother tucked her in. She would never get to see her mother again. She was dead. She had been dead for twenty-two years. Ziva curled up onto her left side and fell asleep quickly. Tony smiled and kissed her forehead.

"I love you, Ziva." He whispered before he went into the bathroom.

He decided now was a good time to take a shower. Meanwhile, Ziva was asleep but it was not restful. She was not at peace anymore. She was having yet another nightmare.

_Ziva was in the Somali prison camp and she was pinned to the ground. She had shackles around her hands and ankles as she was lying on the dirt-covered desert ground. She could hear voices coming from on the other side of the door. _

"_What should we do now?" She heard what man ask._

"_She will not talk. Why don't we just kill her?" Another one said._

_It was then when she heard his voice._

"_I am not done with her yet!" Saleem exclaimed._

"_What is your plan now, Sir?" She heard the first man ask._

"_I am going to do something I should have a long time ago." Saleem told them._

"_What?"_

"_I have been waiting for this for awhile now." She heard him say._

_She could hear the evil resonating from his Arab accent. She closed her eyes against it, fearing the worst. She hated admitting it, but she was scared. No, she was terrified. She bit onto her bottom lip as the door opened. Saleem stormed in and smiled wickedly down to the Israeli pinned to the ground. He got down on the ground and hovered above her._

"_You're mine now." He said in a demonic voice. _

_That is how she has and will always remember his voice. He was a demon, the product of Satan. She spit in his face which was a bad idea. He grew angry quickly. He wiped his face and smacked her in the face. Her head whipped back, her blood-christened hair covering her face. He gripped onto her jaw and forced her to look at him. He narrowed his eyes at her and forced his lips to hers. She tried to squirm away but it was of no use. She couldn't stop him. He pulled out his knife and cut the button off of her pants. Her breath went heavy and she tried to fight him off. This only made him laugh._

"_Fight, it will only get worse." He told her with an evil voice._

_Ziva closed her eyes shut, trying to block his face out of her head. Saleem took her head and bashed it into the ground, causing her head to become injured yet again. Saleem yanked her pants down which caused Ziva to kick reflexively. She kicked him in his testicles but this made it worse. He made a tisk-tisk noise with his mouth and pulled out a knife. He could feel her breathing against his face as it grew more intense. Ziva grew scared when she felt his hardness press into her thigh._

"_Please, I beg you, don't." She pleaded, tears falling silently from her eyes._

"_Don't what?" He asked, shoving his knife inside her thigh._

_She screamed loudly, unable to hold back. He twisted the knife around which made her only scream more. He was clever. He made sure the knife missed all major arteries. He seemed to be getting off on her pain._

"_Yeah, bitch, keep screaming. That'll make me stop." He taunted._

_She closed her eyes and tried to not think about the pain. She allowed herself to float above her body and she blocked it out. Saleem had noticed this and back handed her across the face. She was snapped out of her internal headspace and forced to look into Saleem's deep brown eyes. They were full of pure evil. He smiled down to her and pulled out the knife._

"_That's more like it." He said with a twisted inflection. "Now, spread 'em." _

_His command rang out so loud that the men standing outside could hear. They were surprised and intrigued at the same time. Ziva complied, not wanting any more of the searing pain that his knife brought upon her. She bit her bottom lip and shakily spread her legs._

"_That's a good Jew." He praised._

_She closed her eyes tightly as he inserted himself into her. To feel her walls around his erection made him absolutely elated. He was glad to finally know what it was like to fuck Ziva David. He knew her name; he knew who her father was. He knew who she worked for. This would be the ultimate revenge. He pounded into her which made her cry. She couldn't help it. Her innocence had officially been corrupted and she was no longer a woman. She was their tool. Despite her compliance Saleem wasn't done which bringing pain to her. He took his knife and slowly traced her sides with the blade. Ziva cringed at the touch. Something otherwise sensual was turned into a terrifying experience for her. The Israeli now had no hope. She knew this would be the rest of her life, however long that would be. She would spend the rest of her life as a piece of meat for the terrorists. She cringed yet again when she felt Saleem cum within her. She felt him pull out and she instantly curled into a ball. Saleem laughed at this. He now had something else to taunt her with._

"_What? Did you not have fun? I know I did. Maybe next time you'll know not to fuck with me and tell me what I want to know?" He said before leaving her alone to cry._

Tony got out of the shower and wrapped himself in his towel before stepping out completely. He pulled on a pair of OSU sweats after ridding himself of the towel. He dried his hair and combed it before exiting the bathroom. It was then when he saw it. He saw Ziva thrashing around in the bed. He ran to her and sat down on the bed before grabbing her flailing arms. He then felt Ziva smack him in the face. He faltered for a second before grabbing her again.

"Ziva, Ziva, wake up." He said, calling out to her.

Yet she remained deep within her nightmare. She was covered in sweat and she was breathing heavily. Tony then realized she must have been having a Somalia nightmare. Whether she said so or not the PTSD was still ever-present. Lately the nightmares had been getting worse. Tony had finally managed to stop her thrashing and her eyelids flew open. She looked absolutely horrified.

"Ziva, Ziva, shhh, honey, it's just me." He assured which seemed to calm her.

She then went still and took a few calming breaths before eventually coming out of her sleep completely.

"I am sorry." She said, gesturing towards his slightly bruised cheek.

"It's okay. You're okay. You're okay." He soothed as he caressed her cheek with the side of his hand.

She sat up and adjusted her shirt over her rounded stomach. Tony looked at it and almost as if it were a reflex she covered it with the blanket.

"Ziva."

"What?" She asked as her eyes went down to it.

"You do not have to be like that." He informed her.


	14. Turning In Her Badge

A week had passed since their trip to Paris and Ziva walked into the squad room that early evening. She had taken that day off but after thinking about it she had made her decision. She went up to Gibbs' desk and everyone watched as she put her gun and badge on his desk. Gibbs looked up to see a sorrowful look in her eyes.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asked, sounding mad.

"I am making a decision. I do not think that right now it is a good idea for me to work here." She stated honestly.

"Why?" He asked, standing up.

Ziva shrugged, not wanting to tell him the truth.

"I do not think I am ready for it." She said.

Ziva then scooted the badge and gun closer to her former boss.

"Take them. I will not be needing them any longer." She said and with that she walked out leaving them stunned.

Gibbs looked up at the balcony to see Vance standing there, watching her, as if he knew this was coming. When Ziva left she saw Jackie standing beside a white car and waved. When she met up with Jackie and put her hands on her hips and smiled.

"Hey Mrs. Vance."

"Please, call me Jackie." She said.

"Okay, Jackie."

"How are you feeling?' Jackie asked.

"Physically or emotionally?" Ziva asked, wanting to know within which way she meant.

"Both, I guess."

"I am tired, sad, and weak." She answered; sounding and being brutally honest.

"I 'm sorry." She said, holding the passenger's side door open for her.

She smiled and got in, buckling her seatbelt. Jackie followed suit and started the car before driving her to Tony's place. Jackie stopped the car and allowed Ziva to get out of the car. Ziva waved to Jackie through the car window and walked into the apartment building before going up the stairs and into her apartment. She set the keys down in the key bowl by the door and allowed herself to plop down on the couch. She was now three and a half months pregnant and she wasn't all that big but she felt big. She rested her left hand on her bump as her right hand flipped through the TV channels with the remote. She landed on the Turner Classic Movie channel and decided to watch the movie which was playing. She had no idea what it was but she didn't care. She then was startled by a knock on her door. She stood up and went to the door. It was then when she saw someone she hadn't heard from in quite some time. It was Chad Dunham, the NCIS agent.

"Agent Dunham?" She asked, sounding absolutely shocked.

"Yes, hey Ziva." Chad greeted with a smile.

She was left standing there. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to say. She just stood there, frozen.

"Can I come in?" He asked.

She instantly grew panicked. She knew Chad was an NCIS agent but she was home alone and she couldn't help but be scared.

"Why?" She said, sounding defensive.

"Ziva, relax. I just want to talk to you. Is that okay?" He asked, taking a step towards her.

"I-I am, I-I…" She stuttered, not knowing what to say.

"You are having trust issues, aren't you?" Chad asked, worry tingeing his voice.

She nodded, unable to speak. She felt sick to her stomach.

"Are you alright?" He asked.

"No, I'm not but I do not think you can help." She said, backing up slowly.

She seemed scared out of her mind and Chad had noticed this. He grew increasingly worried that PTSD was getting the best of her.

"Ziva, take it easy." He said calmly as he put his hands up.

"Why?" She snapped, feeling trapped within a place she felt was a safe haven.

"I am not going to hurt you." He said.

"How? How do I know you are not lying to me?" She asked; her eyes wide with fear.

"Ziva, please, just settle down. I just wanted to talk." He said, stepping ever-closer to her but still giving her space.

It was then when it hit her.

"How did you know I was here?" She asked; her hand reaching behind her for some sort of weapon.

"Tony sent me here to watch you and I wanted to talk to you." He told her.

Ziva then let out a sigh of sheer relief and put her hands on her hips as she allowed her head to go down.

"Why didn't you tell me that earlier?" She asked, sounding upset.

"I'm sorry. Maybe next time I should open with that?" He hypothesized.

"Ya think?" She asked, walking up to him. "Let's sit down."

They sat down on the couch and the pair remained silent, the TV giving the otherwise awkward silence some background noise.

"Now, um, Ziva, I didn't intend on opening with this but, um, are you…" He stopped to heave a sigh. "Do I really need to ask?"

He had pointed to her bump and started to sob at the mention of it. Chad instantly wished he hadn't mentioned it at all. She had hid her face in her hands as she sobbed. The dreadful sound of her sobs scared Chad considerably. He wondered what had happened.

"Leave!" She yelled, anger piercing her voice like a knife.

Chad was shocked to say the least. The bewildered NCIS agent stood from the couch and quickly left. He didn't know what else to do. Ziva was able to pull back her tears and stood up to shut the door. Just then her stomach grumbled and she went to the kitchen. Several minutes later Tony came home to hear Ziva singing and he wondered what was going on. She was singing "She Will Be Loved" by Maroon 5. He instantly felt bad for her and walked to the kitchen where the singing was coming from. She was washing the dishes from her soup and salad. She smiled and ceased her singing when she saw Tony.

"Hi Tony. Do you want something to eat?" She asked.

"No thank you." He replied, going over to her.

He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and kissed her temple.

"Okay. How was your day?" She asked.

She sounded so casual and it was a drastic change from the Ziva that was present an hour ago.

"It was alright. Look, we need to talk." Tony said, stepping away from her.

"Okay?" She said, sounding confused. "What is it that we need to talk about?"

Tony took her hand and Ziva put down the dish in her hand. They walked to the island where Ziva just got done eating. They sat down and Ziva watched Tony with a close eye. She quickly grew increasingly confused as time passed and Tony didn't say anything.

"Tony?"

He let out a deep breath through his mouth and turned towards her. He saw the worried look on her face and took her hands in his.

"There's something I need to tell you and I really don't know how." He said.

"Just tell me." She urged, giving him the green light.

He looked straight into her chocolate brown orbs and with all the honest he could muster he told her what was on his mind.

"I love you."


	15. That And So Much More

"What?" She asked, unable to believe her own ears.

"I said I love you." He repeated scooting closer to her.

Her eyes went wide and she looked from her lap up to Tony. She was scared and Tony could see this. He reached out to her and caressed her cheek.

"You don't have to love me back I just want you to know how much I love you."

"Why?" She asked, remaining rather vague.

"Why what, Zi?" He asked, using a pet name for her.

"Why do you want me to know you love me?" She asked, tears in her eyes.

"Because, Ziva, I do love you and I don't want you to go through life thinking no one loves you." He told her honestly.

She sniffed back the tears and looked from her stomach to Tony.

"I…I can't Tony." She told him shakily.

"That's okay." He said, rubbing his thumb on the back of her hand. "It will take time but I don't expect anything from you, alright?"

She could only nod and Tony hugged her. She was startled at first but was able to hug him back after a few second's hesitation. Tony held her like for a good five minutes before letting her go.

"Are you okay?" He asked her.

She nodded, biting on her bottom lip. Tony smiled and let out a content sigh before standing from his seat to put his stuff up from work. He was about to walk back into the kitchen when he stopped. He had been brought to an abrupt stop by the sound of Ziva crying. He peered his head into the kitchen to see Ziva's body quaking with sobs as her head rested in her hand. She looked so sad and he wondered how he could help her. He was tired of spying on her and just rushed in there.

"Oh Ziva." He said, wrapping his arms around her.

She just allowed Tony to hold her as she cried. She hated having Tony see her like this but she didn't really care at that very moment. Tony continued to sooth her the only way he really could. After awhile she was able to pull herself together and when she did she pulled away from Tony completely. She stood up and walked away from him. A few moments later Tony heard the bathroom door shut. Ziva looked into the mirror and bent down after she turned on the water. She filled her hands with the water and splashed her face. She then rid her face of any trace of the tears she had previously shed. She took a deep breath before turning off the water and drying her face with a nearby towel. She looked back in the mirror and all she felt as she looked at her reflection was shame. She could only feel shame. Tony was waiting for her to exit the bathroom and when she did she jumped at the sight of Tony.

"Tony!" She exclaimed.

"What?" Tony asked.

"Do not startle me." She ordered.

"Is that what I did?"

"Yes."

As she walked away he saw she was hurting. Deep inside, she was hurting. Sometimes it would show on the surface but once it did she would just put up her false bravado and bury it back inside. It wasn't healthy and he hated it. He wished she could be more comfortable around her. He had tried to give her the space he thought she needed. Tony would sleep on the couch while Ziva slept in his bed. He would never question her about Somalia or the babies. He would keep quiet when he felt she just needed it. He did everything he could but now he was going to do more. He was going to be more involved and he wasn't going to let her shut him out any longer. Tony followed her and when he caught up with her she was sitting on the couch with her feet propped up. There was plenty of space left for him to sit down and so he did. He then took a hold of one of her feet. Ziva instantly grew confused and was on alert, wondering what he was going to do. She calmed somewhat when Tony's hands began massaging her feet. She smiled contently at this and enjoyed the feel of Tony's hands working on her foot.

"So, you did not answer my question, Tony." She told him.

"Huh?" He asked, confused. "Oh, yeah, work." It was…alright. It was slow. What about you? How's my little translator?" He asked, moving her big toe back and forth.

She giggled at this and let out a sigh.

"It was fun. I got to talk to a lawyer all the way in Turkey today." She said.

"Cool!" He exclaimed. "What else did you do?"

"Hmm, well, I got to speak a little French with an ambassador today." She informed.

"Sounds fun. Are you enjoying yourself over there?" He asked.

"Yeah, Margery always keeps my spirits up but…"

"But, it's not what you want to do?" He asked.

"Yeah." She replied.

"Then come back to NCIS." He offered.

"No, I cannot." She said, shaking her head.

"You can't do what?" He asked, anger and concern meshing together in his voice.

"I cannot go back there, not like this." She said, gesturing down to her stomach.

"Why not?" He asked.

He hated that she was so ashamed of it. He didn't mean to feel so insensitively but it was how he felt. She was bringing these lives into the world and she was so ashamed of it.

"Tony, I am having Saleem Ulman's babies." She informed him. "Do you really think that's something I want people knowing?"

"They don't have to know." He told her.

"What do you mean?"

"You aren't that big yet. You can hide it under clothing. Trust me. It will work."He assured her, his hands still massaging her feet.

"How do you know?"

He then winked at her, as if he had a plan.

"And if I can no longer hide it?" She asked.

"Then we tell people. We could say that they're mine. No one has to know what hell you had to go through."

Tears came to Ziva's eyes.

"You would be willing to do that?" She asked; her voice cracking slightly.

"That, and so much more."


	16. Flashbacks: A Trip Down Memory Lane

Tony was walking down the sidewalk and stopped by a window which looked into the Dawson Law Firm. He watched as Ziva sat at her desk on the phone. He wondered if she truly enjoyed her job and wasn't just doing it because she was ashamed. He had a bouquet of red roses in his hand and smiled as he watched her lean back in her chair. He had a full view of her baby bump. He remembered the conversation he had had with her the night before.

"_Come on, Ziva! Please!" He cajoled._

"_Fine! I will call a doctor." She said._

_She plopped down on the couch and heaved a sigh before picking up her cell phone and calling Dr. Chamberlain. He answered rather promptly. _

"_Hello?" He asked._

"_Hello Doctor." Ziva greeted._

"_Uh…who is this?" He asked._

"_It is Ziva." She told him._

"_Oh, Ziva, hello. How are you?"He asked, obviously pleased to hear from her. _

"_I am good. Look, I was wondering if you could recommend a good obstetrician."_

"_Of course! My girlfriend is an OBGYN over here."_

"_Really?" Ziva asked, sounding in somewhat disbelief._

"_Yes. Her name is Lena Marcusio." He informed._

"_Thank you."_

"_No problem. I'll tell her about you and schedule you an appointment."_

He was snapped out of his flashback and put his focus back onto Ziva. He could hear her speaking through the thin glass.

"Shalom! Ken dodah. Ani Yoda'at aval ani ohevet otcha. Ani mitga'aga'at elecha. Be'seder. Shalom dodah Nettie." She said in a sad voice before she hung up.

She then looked up to see Tony standing there. She smiled and stood from her chair and rushed out of the law firm. She then wrapped her arms around her partner's neck and pulled him down to her. She then surprised Tony by kissing him. He kissed back and Margery was watching the entire time. She pulled away and looked into Tony's emerald green eyes.

"Wow!" Tony exclaimed.

"What?" She asked.

"That was great." Tony said, clearly impressed.

"You think so?" She asked.

"Oh, most definitely." He said in a sly tone.

"Good."

"Does this mean what I think it means?" He asked, placing his hands on her hips.

She could only shrug. She was sure and she couldn't really make that call yet.

"I am not all that sure yet, Tony. I suppose I am capable of loving you…now."

She was trying to be honest with him but it was coming out all wrong. Her words weren't phrased right and she became frazzled. Tony reached over and caressed her cheek.

"It's okay. I love you."

She smirked and kissed him yet again. He kissed back and held her close to him. Margery couldn't help but gush at the sight. She ran out and squealed.

"Oh, you two are just so cute. Come in, come in." She said, ushering the pair inside.

Tony and Ziva sat down on the couch and Tony wrapped an arm around her frame loosely. Margery pulled a chair over to them and sat down. She looked at them with eager eyes and the pair wondered what was on her mind.

"What are you thinking, Margery?" Tony asked.

"I am thinking that I want to ask you two how things are going." She said with a grin.

"It's going a lot better." Ziva said. "I am communicating with Tony and, uh, it feels…it feels…good to be able to tell a man, whom of which cares very deeply for me, things that another man...,that's not the point. The point is that everything between us as gotten considerably better than before."

"Oh, that's so great!" She said with an elated expression on her face.

"Yeah, it is." Tony added, looking down at Ziva.

Lena Marcusio was not the doctor Ziva had expected. Lena didn't question things; she didn't ask if Tony was the father. She basically kept quiet the entire time as she prepped the machine. It was as if she knew. Ziva then realized that she must have known. She had to have known. Ziva was lying on the exam table, Tony's hand firmly grasping hers. Ziva had butterflies in her stomach. She felt guilty for not seeing a doctor regularly. She wondered what her babies would look like. She then flashed back to Saleem. Her heart rate went up as his face haunted her thoughts. His eyes were black pits of pure, unadulterated evil. She began to shake and Tony noticed this. The doctor turned towards her and saw this too.

"Ziva, baby, calm down." He said.

He didn't mean to call her that but it just slipped out. Her breathing was sporadic and she seemed to be in another world. It was that which scared Tony. He was afraid that she was having flashbacks. Little did he know was that Ziva was deep within the cortices of her mind, her thoughts taking her on a trip down memory lane that no one would want to be on. It was full of pain, sorrow, anguish, evil, torture, and unimaginable suffering. She flashed back through every time she was raped by him.

"_Good morning!" Saleem chimed as he busted into the cell Ziva was held in._

"_Go to Hell!" Ziva yelled at the top of her voice._

"_I am quite sure that I will be going there so you do not have to tell me." Saleem informed as he approached her._

_His voice was so cocky and filled with this air of confidence that Ziva feared she would never have again. She was tied to the chair in the center of the room and when Saleem came up to her she wanted nothing more than for him to pull out his knife, slice her throat and end her pain. Sadly, she knew in her heart of hearts this could never be. She was doomed to a life of torture and suffering. She had grown to except this as what her life, or lack thereof, would be. Saleem cut the ropes restraining her and pushed her out of the chair. She fell to the ground easily and she rolled onto her back. She kicked her leg up and hit Saleem in the gut. She knew this was a bad idea but she fought back. She fought back and she knew that if she were not to succeed in killing him she would die, and she had come to want this. Saleem stumbled backwards and held his gut. He then pulled out a knife and cut Ziva's arm. Crimson colored blood began to surface from the wound he had created. It hurt, she had to admit, but it was nothing compared to what she was about to face. He cut her again, on the side. This not only created another gash on her body but a tear in her shirt. She listened as Saleem yelled for his men and two rushed in._

"_Get her!" He yelled. _

_They saw her on the ground with a gash on her side and arm and smirked._

"_Yes Sir." They both replied._

_They grabbed her by her arms and legs and carried her to the table. Ziva was thrashing the whole time, praying she would be able to break free from them. The men only laughed at her feeble attempts at escaping. They got her to the table and hooked her by her wrists and ankles with the restricting shackles. Saleem let out the most sinister of laughs before he ordered his men to fetch some water. They did this rather quickly. She was breathing heavily, not sure of what to expect. Saleem put a towel over her face and held her head still with it. The men returned and assumed their positions. One man whose name was Rafiq then poured the water on her face. She then knew what they were doing. It was a torture technique called water boarding. She felt as though she was drowning and she couldn't breathe. When they ran out of water they stopped and Saleem allowed one man to climb onto the table. Ziva began to cry as Ahmed raped her. It was the first time Saleem had permitted anyone else to touch her. The men had been craving this for about a month. What Ziva didn't realize was that from that day forward her hell would only get worse. _

Ziva was snapped out her flashback when she heard Tony's voice calling for her. She turned back towards Tony and saw the worried look on his face.

"Ziva, are you okay?" He asked.

He knew that was a stupid question. She was far from okay.

"Yeah, let's just…get this over with." She said.

Dr. Marcusio knew that Ziva's PTSD was to blame for this flashback. With PTSD victims it doesn't take make to trigger a memory. She felt bad for Ziva. She did in fact know everything. Dr. Chamberlain had filled her in on everything and afterwards she wished he hadn't. She lifted up Ziva's shirt just a little bit more and squeezed some of the ultrasound gel onto her abdomen. She pressed the ultrasound wand onto the gel and rotated it around. Ziva watched as soon an image came up on the screen. She saw the two small babies and could only see innocence. That was what was so messed up about this. They were innocent. They were innocent and now they are forced to be lives created not out of love, but out of hate, pain, vengeance, and suffering. It was not the result of love-making but of rape. They were rape babies. This was thought Ziva hated so much but honestly she could not go a day without that thought. She almost cried at the sight of them.

"Ziva, would you like to know the sex?" She asked, patiently waiting to tell her what she knew.

"No!" She exclaimed. "I do not wish to know anything."

Her voice had been shaky and filed with fear. Dr. Marcusio nodding, understanding how she was feeling. In med school when they covered breaking news to people they had learned how to deal with rape victims and PTSD sufferers. It was not pleasant and to actually have to deal with it was not a cakewalk either. She felt so bad and knowing the things that Ziva had gone through colored her judgment in ways she didn't want to admit. She powered everything down and printed out the pictures.

"Would you…like the pictures?" She asked.

Ziva shook her head, putting her hand up in rejection. Ziva cleaned herself quickly and ran out of the room.

"I will take them. I need to go check on her."

Lena nodded and Tony left.

"Hey! Hey!" Tony called, catching up with Ziva.

"What?" She snapped.

"What was that about? Huh?" Tony asked, pointing back to the exam room.

"Let's just leave it alone, okay?" She pleaded.

"No! I am so sick and tired of leaving it alone!" He yelled.

Dr. Marcusio could hear them yelling. A part of her wanted so badly to interfere but the other knew not to.

"I am sick of pretending that you're okay when you can't even look at your own kids without flashing back to that monster." He said.

There was such raw emotion in his voice and she couldn't help but be saddened by his words. She knew she shouldn't be though. It was the truth. She looked down at the ground and tried to avoid looking into Tony's eyes.

"Ziva, look at me."

She didn't. She shook her head and allowed a few tears to fall.

"Ziva, please. Please look at me." He requested, putting a couple of fingers beneath her chin.

He lifted up her head and they connected eyes. He took his other hand and cupped her cheek. He caressed her soft and supple skin with his thumb.

"Ziva, can I…ask a favor of you?"

"It all depends." She said.

"On?"

"What is your favor?" She asked, crossing her arms beneath her slightly larger breasts.

"Come back to NCIS. Just for a day. One day. That's all I'm asking."


	17. Come To Terms

She stood at the entrance of the squad room and she couldn't have been more nervous. She saw McGee and Abby sitting at his desk. They were laughing. They seemed happy but as for her, she was the opposite of happy. She saw Tony look up from his work and he smiled at her.

"Hey." He greeted.

McGee and Abby turned in response to Tony's voice. It was then when they saw Ziva. They were more than surprised to see her and the shape she was in. She was still thin everywhere but her rounded stomach. They instantly knew what was going on. They didn't need any explanation or any excuses. They knew. It all made sense. She was pregnant by Saleem. Abby stood from her spot on the corner of McGee's desk and went over to Ziva. She looked at her and hugged her. That was all she could do. She stood there and hugged her. Ziva hugged Abby back, being careful of how close she got to her.

"What are you doing here?" Abby asked in a soft tone.

"I, uh, came to see you guys." She told her.

"Really?"

She nodded at this.

"I missed you."

"I missed you, as well, Abby. I missed all of your Caf-POW fueled happiness." She said with a slight laugh.

"Yeah."

Ziva then looked over at McGee and waved.

"Hey McGee."

"Hi."

"I am, uh, sorry that I have not been by. I have been working through…a lot of things. It makes me sad that I cannot see you guys." She confessed.

"You should come back to work here." Abby said.

"I cannot, Abby. It would not be a good idea."

Abby nodded, understanding that being a federal agent while pregnant is not the best of ideas.

"Hey, um, you want to come down to the lab?" she asked.

Ziva looked to Tony and he nodded, giving her the okay, not that he had to.

"Okay."

Abby smiled which concerned Ziva. This was not the typical Abby reaction and it made Ziva suspicious. She began wondering if she knew. Abby offered out her hand and Ziva took it before Abby led her to her lab. Heavy metal music was playing when they walked in and Abby let go of Ziva's hand. She only stood there and watched as Abby fetched her former colleague a chair.

"Come on in, Ziva." She said, seeing that Ziva had not moved since they entered.

She went to where Abby parked the chair and stood there.

"Sit."

Ziva obediently sat down and looked to Abby who sat down as well. She prayed that this wouldn't be awkward.

"How have you been?" Abby asked.

"Good." She lied.

"Where have you been working?"

"Oh, um, Dawson's Law Firm."

"What are you doing there?" She asked, leaning forward towards her.

"I am a translator." She informed.

"Awesome!" Abby exclaimed.

Now this was more of an Abby reaction. She missed the hyperactivity that she possessed. Then a look of seriousness came to Abby's face. Ziva instantly knew what was to come next.

"Please, don't ask." Ziva begged, shaking her head.

"Ziva, I have to ask."

"No!" she exclaimed, practically about ready to cry.

"Are you?"

Ziva couldn't take it any longer. She broke down and started crying.

"You are, aren't you?" Abby asked, her bottom lip curling downward.

Ziva could only nod and Abby wrapped her arms around her.

"Who?" Abby asked.

"Saleem." Ziva whispered.

Abby's eyes went wide and she went absolutely still. She couldn't move. She couldn't talk. She couldn't respond at all. She had had her suspicions about Ziva being a rape victim but she prayed that by some odd miracle those asshole terrorists in Somalia wouldn't touch her but she couldn't have been more wrong. They definitely had no problem with violating her like that and now she was forced to carry around the evidence for the rest of her life. Soon Ziva left, unable to withstand NCIS any longer and Abby sat at her computer. It was getting late when Abby decided to do it. She looked into the Somalia mission folder on her computer and found pictures of Saleem. She saw his tan skin and almost black eyes. He even looked to be soulless. Abby had her hand over her mouth the entire time and she couldn't help but let a tear slip down her cheek.

"Oh Ziva." She muttered.

McGee walked into the lab and saw Abby sitting at her computer. When he walked in she pulled back her tears, closed the file, and tried appear as if nothing was wrong. Meanwhile Ziva went to Gibbs house that night and knocked on his door. She had to tell him. She had to come to terms with this. She took a deep breath and stuffed her hands into her hoodie pocket. Just then Gibbs opened the door and saw Ziva. He couldn't help but be confused as to why she had decided to make a surprise visit at nine o'clock. He hadn't seen in her in quite some time and he could tell she had changed. She had a sad expression on her face and he wondered what was wrong with her.

"Ziver, what are you doing here?" he asked.

"Gibbs, we need to talk."

"Okay? What do we need to talk about?"

"May I come inside?" She asked, pointing toward the confines of his living room.

"Sure."

He opened the door wider and allowed Ziva to come inside before closing the door and watching as she sat down on the couch. Gibbs walked toward the couch and sat down beside her. Usually they would be meeting down in his basement but Gibbs hadn't had much time to work on the half-finished boat in his basement. They were having heavy case loads lately. Gibbs looked into Ziva's eyes and saw the hurt and shame she kept locked away so tightly.

"Gibbs, I just want to say that I am sorry for my abrupt leave of absence. I did not mean for it to be that way. It wasn't professional and it was certainly not respectful. I owe you so much and you didn't deserve that."

"Ziva, you were going to leave anyway, no matter whether you gave me advance notice or not. You would have still left and for that I need an explanation."

"What do you mean?' She asked.

"Why did you leave?" He asked.

She couldn't do it. She couldn't tell him. It was too much to handle. She had to lie…or at least, that's what she thought. She swallowed hard and looked over at Gibbs.

"I have…changed quite a bit and I need a break from it. I needed to step back and assess my life and I realized that I'm not ready for it."

Gibbs narrowed his eyes at her as if he needed elaboration.

"What if…what if there was a case where there was a torture victim, or something, and I couldn't handle it. What use would I be if my PTSD keeps getting set off with every case?"

She wasn't lying. She thought that she had to but she didn't do it. Ziva stood up and left. Gibbs got up and quickly followed her. He was too late though. Ziva had already gotten to her car and she had driven off.


	18. The Dinner Which Did Not End As Planned

"Maybe this wasn't a good idea." Ziva said as she set out the silverware.

"Nonsense Ziva, come on. It'll give all of us a good chance to just sit down and have a nice long talk." Tony rebutted.

"Yes, true, but I do not think I'm ready to tell them. It…it is not something I wish to have them knowing."

"Ziva, please." He begged walking up to her.

He watched her put down the silverware and he pulled her into his arms. She rested her head on Tony's chest and heaved a sigh.

"Ziva, you can do this. I have faith in you. You have got to believe in yourself." He encouraged.

"I know." She murmured.

He pressed his lips to the top of her head, letting them linger there for a few seconds. He pulled away when there was a knock on the door. This would not be a happy occasion but it was something they needed to do. They needed to pull everyone together and talk, no matter what. Ziva took a deep breath, zipped up her jacket, and went to the door. She mustered up all of her strength and opened the door to see Ducky and Abby standing there. She allowed a small smile to come to her face but the guests didn't realize it was faked. Ducky and Abby stepped inside and looked around Tony's apartment.

"Hello, Ziva." Ducky said, stepping forward to give her a hug.

She hugged him back and soon allowed Abby to hug her too. When Abby saw Tony she eagerly went to him and hugged him as well. Ducky looked at Ziva closely and knew that this dinner wasn't just to be with them like old times. There were ulterior motives in play here. Ziva noticed his eyes on her body and pulled her jacket so that her stomach wouldn't be as noticeable. She walked back into the kitchen rather quickly and proceeded to finish cooking. Tony looked at Ziva through the open entranceway and she turned to him.

"Are you okay?" He mouthed to her.

She nodded and flashed him a small smile. Just then there was another knock on the door and Tony decided to answer it. It was McGee and Palmer.

"Hey Probie." Tony greeted.

"Hey. Look, I don't mean to be rude or anything but, what's this really about? Ziva sounded kind of upset on the phone."

"Well, McGoo, she's not…well. Look, when we have dinner we'll all have a talk." Tony assured.

"Alright."

Ziva carried in a large serving bowl of her famous Cholet and set it down on the table. She hadn't gotten to make it in a long time. It felt somewhat good to make it again. She also had Tony make his famous Penne Lasagna. There was salad and grape leaves too with pita bread and hummus. The table was full of delicious foods and Gibbs and Vance arrived just in time for dinner. The team took their seats and began getting food. Once their plates were full with what each of them wanted they started eating. Ducky, Gibbs, and Vance were all having scotch or bourbon. Palmer, McGee, and Tony were drinking beer. Abby was drinking a Caf-POW but Ziva was drinking Ginger tea. Everyone except Tony, Vance and Abby found this suspicious. Ducky knew a way of confirming his theory.

"Ziva. I brought a bottle of scotch. Would you like some?" He asked, holding the bottle up.

"No, I can't, but thank you." She said, keeping her eyes on her plate.

"Why not?" Gibbs asked.

"Because, I can't!" She snapped.

Everyone went quiet for several minutes and continued eating. The silence turned more awkward as time went on. When Ziva finished eating she stood up from her seat.

"Excuse me." She said before going outside.

It had started to get chilly. She shivered slightly before sitting down on the steps. She hated the fact she kept pushing everyone who cared away. Just then Tony sat down beside her.

"Are you okay? Everyone's worried about you."

He looked at her yet she wouldn't look at him.

"Of course you're not." He said, pulling her into him.

She rested her head on his shoulder and watched as dark clouds rolled overhead. She wished she could just somehow run away but running away from her problems wouldn't solve anything. She sighed and looked up at Tony.

"Do you suppose I should tell them?" She asked.

"We."

"What?"

"We will tell them. You are not alone in this." He reiterated.

"I know this, Tony." She said, kissing his cheek. "And I love you for that."

"What?" He asked, unable to believe his ears.

"I love you, Tony." She said with a wide smile on her face.

"Really?" He asked with wide eyes.

"Yes." She said with a nod.

Tony leaned into her and kissed her lips tenderly, holding her face in her hands. Meanwhile, inside the apartment was amuck with conversation.

"I didn't mean to upset her." Ducky said as he finished eating.

"It's not you." Abby assured.

"How do you know?" McGee asked.

"Look, Timmy, she's got a lot of stuff going on and I'm pretty sure that's why she called us here." Abby said, grabbing her Caf-POW!

Tony offered his hand out to her and she took it before the stood up. They went up the steps and went to the door. When they walked in everyone turned towards them.

"Guys, I am sorry about what I did. I did not mean to worry you guys." She said, closing the door.

"So, did you enjoy the dinner?" Tony asked.

They received a series of various yes's followed by many compliments. Just then Ziva tugged on Tony's shirt sleeve, telling him that she was in fact ready at that moment.

"Okay, guys, can I have you all come to the front room?" Tony asked, gesturing them into the front room.

They all walked into the den, wondering what was going on. Gibbs remained standing while Abby, McGee, Ducky, and Jimmy took the couch. Vance took a chair and Ziva sat down on the loveseat with Tony. There was a moment of silence before Ziva cleared her throat.

"Allow me to be the first to admit that I have not been completely honest with any of you." She said, tears coming to her eyes. "For that I am sorry and I hope you can forgive me."

They all nodded, waiting for her to continue.

"I do not know if you can tell but, um, I'm pregnant. But, before you offer your congratulations, you need to hear the rest of the story, after which I do not wish for ANYONE to congratulate me."

Most were confused while others understood.

"This pregnancy is the product of rape. I was raped." She admitted.

There it goes. There goes her deepest, darkest secret of all. Everyone in the room remained silent until Ducky spoke up.

"Are you alright, dear?" He asked.

"To be perfectly honest with you, no I am not alright. I will never be fully alright ever again. I will be okay but I want you to know that what I had previously thought was wrong. I cannot do this alone. I need your guys' love and support. I do not wish for your opinions on my decision and I definitely don't want your pity. Pity is something I do not need."

They understood that Ziva was not the type to be pitied and now was no exception. She looked down at her lap and intertwined her fingers.

"To give you the whole story, I was raped while I had been held hostage in Somalia. Now, I was raped several times in Somalia but I am fully aware of who the father is. It's Saleem. Saleem got me pregnant."

With that the truth was out but Ziva was definitely not prepared for all of the reactions she would get.


	19. Saleem's Plan For Her

No one said a word. No one did anything. Everyone remained silent. Ziva studied all of their faces. Some were faces of absolute disgust and some, despite her warning, were full of pity. She wondered who would be the first to speak. Just then McGee raised his hand as if he were back in school.

"Yeah McGee?" Ziva asked.

"What are you going to do?" He asked, concern resonating through his vocal chords.

She shrugged, not knowing much of anything yet.

"Lately, I have been taking it one day at a time and that's really all I can do at this point. I am not ready for this quite yet but I have five more months to figure it out." She said in a saddened voice.

"When are you due?" Abby asked.

"May 13th." She said.

Abby then realized it. It was going to be Friday that day. _'Go figure' _Abby thought. Ziva looked at Gibbs and saw the anger in his eyes. She watched as he opened his mouth to speak but waited a few moments.

"Ziver, why are you keeping that monster's baby?" He asked.

"They deserve to live just like anyone else!" Ziva yelled, unable to control her emotions. "No one can control who their father is! I know this as fact! They never have to know of how they came to be. I do not want them to know that pain but I will not deprive them the chance to live."

"They?" McGee asked.

Ziva nodded and sat back down in her seat. With tears slowly streaming down her face she admitted that she was in fact carrying Saleem Ulman's twins. She wanted to put this behind her but that was something she could never do and she had face that fact a long time ago. She shut her eyes and thought back to that moment. She thought back to every moment. She realized something. He was the only one that never used a condom. It was then when it had hit her. This was his plan. He knew she would make it out alive somehow and if she didn't get rescued then he would keep her just long enough. He wanted this to happen. It had been his plan the entire time. He wanted her to suffer. He wanted to have a constant reminder of it. He wanted her to get pregnant. Her eyes went wide and Tony grew worried.

"Ziva?"

She decided not to tell tony while everyone was there. That evening Ziva shut the door and leaned against it.

"Now, are you going to tell me what's on your mind?" He asked.

"Yes. I have a theory and I think it's crazy. Now, bear with me but um, do you think it's possible that Saleem planned to get me pregnant?"

"Why?" He asked.

"It makes perfect sense, Tony. He NEVER used a condom, not once."

"Do you really think he'd do that?" Tony asked.

"Yes, Tony. He water boarded me, burned me with torches, raped me, why wouldn't he do that?"

The sad part about the whole situation was that no matter how hard the researched they would never be able to know the true answer. Saleem was long dead and he will never tell anyone. She grew sad and slid down the wall until she sat on the floor. Tony sat down beside her and he could only help her by holding her as she cried.

"Hush Zi." He soothed. "C'mon, my sweet ninja. You'll be fine."

"How do you know?" She asked as she shriveled.

"Because, you have me and I love you."

She smirked slightly. It felt so good to be loved by a man that loved her for her and not because they had a secret agenda. She looked up into Tony's deep emerald eyes and kissed his cheek.

"I love you, too." She replied.

Just then Ziva felt the irresistible urge to yawn and one slipped past her rosy lips.

"Are you tired?" Tony asked, caressing her cheek.

She nodded, resting her head on Tony's shoulder.

"Okay, let me take you to bed." He said.

She had only gained about ten pounds in the last four months. She was still rather thin and nowhere near one-hundred percent healthy. It is because of this that made it easy for Tony to position her in his arms and lift her from the floor. He carried her to his bedroom and laid her down on the bed. When he got the covers over her he decided to do something potentially dangerous. He climbed beneath the blankets and lay down with her. He didn't try to hold her, touch her, kiss her, or anything. All he did and all he had to do was lie there and sleep beside her.


	20. Satisfaction Enough

What Tony didn't realize was that she was not sleeping peacefully. She was yet again having a nightmare. She hadn't had one since Paris but the thoughts she was having brought back all of the memories. She lay there in the bed, her mind flashing back to that torture. Soon those thoughts began to manifest themselves as a nightmare.

_Saleem sat in his room in the camp. He sat at his desk thinking. He was thinking about all of the times he had raped Ziva. He had a crooked smile on his face as his mind flashed back to the terror in Ziva's eyes. He loved the feel of her trying to fight him off but failing at it. He then thought about something. He wanted to do something so sinister and that would cause her endless suffering. He knew that if by some miracle she made it out of here this would make her pain last forever. He left his room and stormed down the hall, ready to put his plan into effect. He busted in the door and saw Ziva sitting there with her head hanging down defeatedly. She looked as if she were done, as if she had given up. He stepped into the room, Ziva hearing the sound of footfall approached her. Saleem watched as her body shook with fear. He did not make any other sound but took his foreign cigarette out of his mouth, tossed it to the ground, and squished it into the dirt with his combat-boot clad foot. He grabbed a fist full of her hair and yanked her hair back. Saleem looked into her chocolate orbs with his. They were filed with so much evil and blackness that it was almost impossible to tell they were humans. To her, Saleem had become Satin. _

"_Tell me everything you know, about NCIS." Saleem commanded for the umpteenth time. _

"_NO!" She yelled through gritted teeth._

_He then proceeded to back hand her, her hair whipping around to where it hit her in the face. Saleem then took a hold of her by her jaw, tightening his grip on her. She looked into his soulless eyes and went completely still and silent. Her heart had long since been filled with unattainable death and she knew that all she could do was keep quiet and pray that one of them kill her. _

"_You won't talk; fine. Just know you will pay for your…lack of compliance."_

"_I would pay either way." She stated._

"_See, your learning." He said, waving his index finger at her._

_He was a vindictive son of a bitch and a twisted maniacal piece of work. Ziva then wondered what kind of people could birth to such a man. She instantly stopped thinking about that when Saleem punched her in the face, again. Her face was already swollen and bruised, blood caking over thirty percent of it. The punch only made it that much worse. He then grabbed the spare chair in the room and sat on it backwards. _

"_You are going to make this hard for me, aren't you?" He asked._

"_I am not talking." She said in a defiant manner._

"_Oh, I think that your opinion on that will waver somewhat when I am done with your worthless ass." He said._

"_If I am so worthless than kill me already!" She refuted._

"_Oh, well, the information you have is not so worthless." He told her._

_He leaned forward and caressed her swollen cheek. She jerked away, unable to get out of his reach. He continued to caress her bruises, a look of admiration on his face._

"_You know, if you live long enough these will take awhile to heal." He said._

"_I am aware."_

"_Yes, your brother was a doctor after all…before you killed him." He said as he paced back and forth in front of her._

"_How do you that?" She asked as her eyes widened in shock._

"_I have my sources." He said in a deep, taunting voice._

_She grew scared. She then wondered what else he knew about her. Just then Ziva watched as Saleem stepped towards her and pushed her out of the chair._

"_Now, get on your knees, now!" He ordered._

"_Why?" She asked, confused as to why he was telling her to do this._

"_Do it!" He yelled._

_She gulped and followed his demand. He then got closer to her, his hips even with her mouth. It was then when Ziva knew what he was about to do. He unbuttoned his pants and dropped them before he forcefully gripped onto her head. Ziva kept her mouth shut and tried to pull away but sadly she could not escape it._

"_Bite me and you will pay." He said, sticking his shaft towards her face._

_She was crying now, praying for someone to come and rescue her but she knew this wasn't possible. She was going to die here alone. Saleem then forced her mouth open and shoved himself into her mouth. She sobbed as Saleem thrust his hips into her mouth. She didn't bite him, she just remained there. Saleem could feel himself growing harder and when he was ready he pulled himself out of her mouth and pushed Ziva into the ground. He grabbed her ankle and forced her onto her stomach. She tried to crawl away but only ended up with her was pushed into the nearest mud wall. She could feel her throbbing face become embedded into the dirt-covered wall. Saleem forced her pants off of her toothpick-esque frame and shoved herself into him. He thrust within her, going faster until he came inside of her. She continued crying but did not fight. She wouldn't allow him the satisfaction. Little did she know was that what he had concocted in his head was satisfaction enough. _

She awoke from her nightmare, covered in a thin layer of sweat. The room was dark, inducing even more fear. She looked around the room and came to realize this was not her cell in Somalia. In fact, it was the warm and cozy bedroom of Tony's apartment. Her breathing was heavy and filled the otherwise silent room. She ran a hand through her hair and allowed herself to become calm. She looked behind her and saw Tony. She wished that Tony would never have to find out about this. But, she realized this wouldn't be when Tony shifted in his sleep and shot up in bed.

"Ziva, are you okay?" He asked, looking at her through the darkness.

He could see her nod but he didn't believe her. Ziva watched as he turned back, laying halfway on his stomach as he reached out for the lamp. He turned it on and looked at the clock as he rubbed his face with a hand. He then saw that it was only two o'clock in the morning. He sighed and sat back up to where he could look at Ziva. She had tears trailing down her cheeks which seemed to mesh with the sweat falling from her body. With one look at her he instantly knew that she had had a nightmare.

"Oh Ziva."

He wrapped his arms around her and held her. She hugged him back, feeling nothing but love radiate from that hug.

"I'm sorry I woke you." She said to him.

"No, it's okay." Tony said into her ear. "Do you think you can get back to sleep?"

She nodded against him and Tony gradually let go of her. Tony allowed Ziva to lie back down and he followed suit. The pair then soon fell back asleep, blissfully able to sleep in peace.


	21. A Terrorist Returns

Sunlight seeped into the windows of Tony's bedroom and cascaded over their meshed bodies just as Tony allowed his eyelids to flutter open. He looked down to see Ziva within his muscular arms. He wondered how she had managed to work herself in his grasp but that wasn't to say he didn't like it. He enjoyed it very much. Actually, he loved it. He watched as Ziva slowly began to stir, moving her body which was stiff from sleep. She looked up at Tony and flashed him a sleepy smile. She seemed happy. He was actually pleased to see this after what had happened earlier.

"Hey Tony." She chimed.

"Hi." He greeted back.

She then tilted her head back and moved her head upward. She then began to kiss him. Tony was rather surprised by this. He kissed her back but wondered if she would be okay for this. He did not move except for to kiss her. He did not want to make any advancing movements, fearing that it might scare her off. She pressed her body up against his which surprised him so much that he pulled away. She flashed him a confused and slightly hurt look.

"Ziva, why are you doing this?" He asked.

"What? I am just kissing you."

"No, Ziva. That's not what you're doing and to be honest with you I am not sure if I can do that with you yet." He told her, sitting up.

"Why?"

"Ziva, you're still going through a lot of this crap. Hell, you're still having nightmares. I do not want to set you back any further, Ziva."

"Tony, I love you, and I want to show you that." She said, standing from the bed.

"Yes, I know, but if I hurt you…"

"Stop!" Ziva yelled, shocking Tony.

He stood up from the bed and went over to her.

"Stop what?"

"Stop treating me like I am a victim. Stop making this about the fact that I was raped. Don't treat me like that, okay. I do not want that. I hate that." She said, tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry." He said, putting his hands on her shoulders.

"I forgive you."

"I just don't want to see you hurt, alright?"

She nodded, understanding what he was trying to say.

"I just want to have a normal relationship with you and not have Saleem, or any of them affect it because, Tony, I love you. I want things to go back to normal, even if they are not." She said, looking down at her stomach.

"I know." He told her, inching slowly closer to her. "And believe me, I want to make love to you but it would not be the same as the way I had pictured it so many times before."

"How do you picture it now?" She asked.

"Me trying to touch but you being so afraid and then you would curl up into a ball or something and start crying. Then, you would never want me around you again. I don't think I could do that to you. I love you too much."

Ziva looked directly into Tony's eyes and inched closer to him as well. She allowed her lips to crash into his and the pair instantly became trapped within a sensual kiss. Tony's left hand rested on her right hip while his other hand buried into her hair. Ziva took a hold of her partner's head and continued to kiss him, not at all thinking about the countless times she had been raped. In fact, she was thinking of when the pair had gone undercover as the Reiner's. The hot passion she felt for Tony began to seep into that kiss. Tony was thunderstruck by this. He could only reciprocate and allowed Ziva to move them towards the bed. Tony watched as Ziva laid down on the bed and pulled him down with her. They were then interrupted by an intrusive knock on their front door.

"Ugh." Tony groaned before standing.

Ziva sat up and slapped her thighs before standing as well.

"I'll get it." Tony said, putting a hand up to her before leaving the room.

When he got to the door he looked in the peephole to see someone unfamiliar. He grabbed his gun from his bag beside the door and opened it.

"Hello sir." The man greeted.

"Hello. Who are you?" He asked.

"My name is Khamud." He said, putting a hand to his chest.


	22. This Was It

"Okay, Khamud…what brings you here?" Tony asked, keeping his gun concealed.

"I need to talk to Ziva. There are some things we have not finished." He said in a mysterious manner.

"Ziva!" Tony shouted.

"What?" She asked back.

"Someone's at the door for you." He said.

Ziva quickly walked down the hall and when she was halfway through the living room she stopped. It couldn't be him. There was no way. He was dead. Saleem had said so.

"Khamud?" She asked in disbelief.

"Ziva, thank God you are alive." He said, heaving a sigh of relief.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, instantly sounding defensive.

"I should probably explain some things, huh?" He asked.

"Uh, yeah." She said. "Like, how the hell you are still alive!"

"He lied. He did not kill me. He did however inject me with a tranquilizer." He said.

"But, you're a…"

That's when he stopped her by putting his hand up.

"I am not what you think I am, Ziva. I am an undercover FBI agent. We were trying to do the same thing Mossad was. Ziva, are you okay?" He asked, stepping within the confines of the apartment.

"No, not really." She admitted.

Khamud looked down at her stomach and gasped.

"Oh God! Is that…Saleem's?" He asked.

Ziva nodded, biting her bottom lip. Meanwhile Tony was more than confused.

"Zi, who the hell is this guy?"

"This is Khamud. In Somalia he was a terrorist, or at least undercover as one."

"Ziva, listen, I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that." Khamud said; his arms opened outward.

Ziva nodded, tears running down her cheeks. She allowed Khamud to hug her, all the while Tony stood on the sidelines more flustered than ever. Khamud looked over at Tony and smiled.

"He loves you, doesn't he?" He asked.

"Yes. Very much so." She answered.

"I hope that despite the situation you two can love each other and the baby." Khamud said before he waved goodbye and left.

Tony turned to Ziva and smiled down to her.

"Now, where were we?" He asked, taking her in his arms.

"Oh, I don't know." She said, draping her arms around his neck. "I think, maybe, here."

They then kissed, everything around them fading away. They weren't really thinking at the time. Tony carefully led her to the bedroom, their lips still connected in heated passion. When he got her to the bedroom he laid her down gently on the bed and climbed on top of her. He then flipped them to where she was on top. He wanted her to not feel trapped while they were making love. He was then surprised when Ziva flipped them back over to where she was back beneath him. Her hands soon found their way to his hips and she kissed him yet again.

"Are you alright?" Tony asked when he pulled away from the kiss.

She nodded and looked him in the eyes seductively. He had not seen this look in almost a year. It was refreshing. She had actually taken one step forward down the metaphorical road to recovery and he couldn't have been more proud. He loved her so much and now he finally got to show that to her. After all of her pushing away she was now pulling him down to her. She kissed his cheek and put her lips next to his ears.

"I am glad we are finally doing this." She whispered.

His eyes went wide and he couldn't help but be shocked. Her voice rang so vividly through his ear yet he couldn't believe what she had said. He then bent down and kissed her shoulder through the OSU t-shirt she had borrowed for the night. She smelled of rosemary body wash and sweat. She was more enthralling than ever. He then snaked his hands beneath her shirt and caressed her skin. Meanwhile, for a brief moment she flashed back to Somalia and how Saleem had taken his knife to caress her body. She pushed the thoughts aside and reminded herself hat this was not Saleem. This was Tony, the man that actually loved her. The man she loved. She allowed Tony to remove her shirt but then she worried about Tony seeing the scars which were still on her body. Tony saw them yet he didn't let Ziva in on that fact. He kissed her neck sensually and allowed his lips to travel lower down her curvaceous body. When he got to the center of her baby bump he began to shower her stomach in kisses. Just then Tony noticed Ziva started to cry. He feared the worst and went back up to her.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded as she wiped her eyes.

"Then why are you crying?" He asked, caressing her cheek.

"Tony, you…love me and the twins but…how? How can you love these babies when you know what they are and who…who created them?"

"Because, Ziva, **you **made them too." He told her, poking her sternum. "And I have always loved you. Well, at least for as long as I can remember."

She could only shake her head in utter disbelief.

"I love you, too."

After that rather eventful morning the pair had decided they needed to get out of bed and do something. Tony was in the kitchen making Ziva tea while she was straightening out the front room. She bent down and picked up a few magazines from the floor and slowly stood back up. She placed them on the end table along with the others. They were various magazines including a couple old issues of GSM. It was then when she found the Hebrew one she had brought from Tel Aviv. She shook her head at it as she went through it. When Tony brought in the tea Ziva was surprised at what he said.

"Oh, you can just throw those out." He said. "Or I could do it."

"Tony DiNozzo, throw out his GSMs?" She asked in mocking disbelief.

"Yeah, I don't need those anymore." He said, handing her a cup of tea.

She took it and looked into his eyes.

"Why?" She asked, curiosity flowing through her.

"I've got my own GSM model right here." He said gesturing towards her.

He watched as her cheek flushed with red. She was actually blushing. He had actually managed to make her blush.

"Aw! That's so sweet, Tony!" She said.

"I love you so much Ziva." He said, placing a kiss on her cheek.

He walked over to the center of the living room and continued straightening up the place.

"I love you, too." She replied turning around to watch him.

When Tony stood back up and looked into her eyes he knew. Somewhere deep within his heart he knew that Ziva was the one for him. This was it.


	23. PLEASE HELP SAMMY JO

PLEASE HELP! PLEASE HELP! PLEASE HELP! PLEASE HELP!

I AM FACING SOME SERIOUS WRITER'S BLOCK AND I AM IN NEED OF YOUR HELP!

IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS PLEEEEAAAASSSSSE CLICK THE REVIEW BUTTON BELOW!

I AM OPEN TO ANY AND ALL IDEAS AND WILL TAKE THEM ALL INTO CONSIDERATION!

THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH,

SAMMY JO


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